Of Mountains and Manly Men

There's something therapeutic about spending time in nature. Especially when that time involves doing something difficult. Over the past few weekends Carter, Jayden and I have been taking a couple hours to either hike or run in the mountains. Provo may not be the prettiest place in the world, but it sure has amazing mountains and as I've spent some time in them I've been rejuvenated and uplifted.

But...I've also been humbled...and felt a little jealous. See, I'm an active person and actually enjoy exercise (which is a good thing because I also really enjoy ice cream. And chocolate. And pizza. And cookies. And mashed potatoes. And so much more). I'm fairly consistent with getting my 4-6 workouts a week so when I suggested to Carter that we go for a run in the canyon I secretly thought it'd be a good opportunity for him to see how cool and fast I was. I guess I just like to try to impress him or something.

So anyways, on the morning of our run I nonchalantly put on my cutest running outfit and did my hair in a sassy pony tail. We got to the trail and began.....I thought I was going to die. We started out quickly and I assumed that Carter would slow down eventually. Nope. He sped up. People, this is a man who HATES running. He NEVER runs, unless I very sweetly ask him to go with me. He's good about going to the gym, but he keeps his workouts to lifting only. Yet there he was, smokin my trash, while pushing the stroller no less. He kept trying to make conversation with me, not seeming to notice that at any moment I was going to pass out. Or throw up.

Now maybe I'm exaggerating a little. Once Carter reads this he's going to scoff and say "but we weren't even going fast". Yes honey, we were. You're just insane. Or I'm slower than a wounded caterpillar. Probably both actually. But regardless, that was a fast run. Faster than I've done in a couple years actually, so I guess it was good.

Just today we hiked the Y. It was wonderful to look out over the valley, taking a moment to step outside our lives and just appreciate the beauty. As I looked down over the city I couldn't help but wish I could tell all the bustling busy people to slow down and relax for a moment. There's something about climbing a mountain that reminds you of the big picture. It reminds you that all those little things we stress over really don't matter in the long run. Anyways it was a wonderful hike. Carter was good about taking it at my pace..so naturally we were passed by far more people than we passed and almost got lapped by a girl who was doing hill repeats. Literally she began after we started up the trail and was on her second time up by the time we started our way down. Nuts.

Here's a few pictures of our adventures. Unfortunately I'm a horrible photographer so please excuse the shadows.

The cool wrap my mom gave me that we use to keep Jayden secure while we hike

Trail head of the Y

On the top...notice Jayden completely conked out. Hiking is hard. 

The valley! 

Family pic a sweet girl took for us. Unfortunately we didn't notice Carter's closed eyes until after she left. Once again, Jayden is sleeping. 

Hiking in the canyon. I love that little guy poking out of dad's jacket! 

My handsome guys on our run in the canyon

Finished and sweaty. So much for a sassy pony tail. Jayden's monster sweatshirt is cute though

The God I Know

I've been thinking about my beliefs lately; searching my soul for what drives me to live the way I do. As I've done so, I've felt compelled to share a little. I believe in God; I believe in a God who is both the omniscient creator of the Universe and my personal heavenly Father. I believe He is a literal being, and that we are formed in His image. I don't know exactly how he created the Universe---whether it was done in 6 days or billions of years; I think he has allowed us to know more through science about how some of that process happened. But overall I don't think He is as concerned with us understanding how He manages to be God as he is concerned with us knowing that He is. That He IS there, that He DOES know us personally, and most importantly that He loves us. He wants us to be happy, and to return to live with and eventually become like Him.

 I know that with all of my heart. As I've sought to be pure and good, and as I've knelt in quiet prayer, sincerely asking if He exists and if He knows and loves ME, I've felt a peaceful, powerful assurance that He does. He is the Father of my eternal Spirit and He loves me. I have peace in my life because I know He is there. I have confidence in myself because I know that to Him, I have infinite worth. I am a Daughter of God, loved, understood, and cherished by Him. I love my fellowmen and believe it is SO important to treat them with love and respect because they too are His children.

 I've absolutely had hard times in my life. I've had moments where I felt very alone, where I've fallen to my knees in angry, desperate prayer, wondering why I'd been abandoned and faced to deal with some very difficult emotional struggles. I understand when someone says that they just don't feel God's love for them, and that they don't understand why someone who everyone claims to be so loving could allow them to struggle so much. I understands that sometimes it's easier to think that there isn't a God because if there was there wouldn't be so much filth in this world. Honestly, I don't have all the answers. I don't know why some people have it so hard; but I know that God is there. I know He allows us to hurt and face difficult challenges because in some way, it will eventually make us stronger and better. Difficulties have the ability to make us more empathetic, more persevering, more kind, more patient, more selfless, more Godlike. As we struggle, but still turn to God, trusting in His wisdom, and trusting that He understands and feels our pain, but still allows us to grow, we are strengthened and able to cast off our burdens to Him. My little baby Jayden hates getting shots. As soon as the needle pricks his little foot he starts screaming, crying as though he's been abandoned and forgotten. But the truth is, he's in my arms. I cry along with him because I HATE to see him in pain, but I know that he needs the shots to be healthy and strong.

As I've gone back and reviewed my memories and journal entries of some very difficult times I've seen how my God did not abandon me. Friends and family were sent to me at critical times, priesthood blessings strengthened me, and in quiet moments when I was able to clear my mind and just trust, I felt His peace; I felt His love.

I believe in a God who respects our agency, our ability to choose for ourselves. He does not control or force us to follow Him. Unfortunately though, sometimes bad, horrible things happen to us because of the unrighteous exercise of someone else's agency. Sometimes people make bad choices and it negatively affects me; and while it'd be easy to wish that God would force them to not do bad things to me, I know He won't because he respects their ability to choose.

However, just because God respects our agency doesn't mean He doesn't care what we chose. There absolutely is a right and wrong. In order for there to be choice, there must be opposition. There must be a law in order for us to break it. God has revealed a way to live that will enable us to be happy because of the natural consequences that follow. For example, we know that if we eat a huge bag of candy in one sitting we're going to have a tummy ache, it's just a natural consequence. We can choose to not eat the bag of candy or we can choose to eat it. We have that ability, but we cannot choose the consequence, if we eat it we're going to get a tummy ache. God wants us to be happy. He wants us to respect ourselves, work hard, live peacefully and lovingly with our fellow men, and ultimately find joy. Through his word and spokesmen (prophets) He has shown us how we can do so. But we are free to choose whether or not we'll follow.

I think God's ultimate demonstration of love for us comes from his allowing his Son Jesus Christ to come down, live a perfect life, and atone for our sins. The Atonement of Jesus Christ, and what it means for us is an incredibly wonderful, but long topic so I'll save that for another day. Needless to say however, God willingly offering up His Son shows me, more than anything else, that He cares for me and wants me to return to live with Him.

We are not sinners in the hands of an angry God. We are imperfect people with a loving, mercifully just, and tender Heavenly Father who wants so much for us to know how valuable we are. He wants us to be better, try harder, and trust that even when we majorly mess up we still have the opportunity to turn around and go back to Him. There is nothing we can do that will make Him stop loving us. My relationship with Him is what makes me happy, confident, and at peace with my life.

Developing a relationship with God takes time. It takes work, trust, faith, and dilligence. We can't just kneel down once, offering a half hearted prayer, and expect Him to answer all our questions. We have to want it and work for it. But I promise that there's nothing worth working harder for, because when we allow Him in our lives we are so blessed. He loves us. He has a plan and a work for each of us to do. If anyone is interested in learning a little more feel free to contact me or look up this website.

Finally, I completely respect other people's beliefs. I haven't meant to be overbearing or weird. This stuff is just so important to me and I really wanted to share because I want others to know how I find joy and peace.

Another, far more eloquent talk on God can be found here. This was given by a man who has attained many scholastic achievements (including a graduate degree from Harvard) and has done a lot of good in this world. I'd highly recommend you looking up what he has to say.

Green Smoothies and Satan's Cookies

So I love the idea of a green smoothie. A delicious AND nutritious drink that I can feel good about indulging in sounds too good to be true.....until now. My oh my have I found a winner! This bad boy is packed with protein, complex carbs (from the veggies), vitamins and minerals. It's a PERFECT post workout meal, giving your body all the nutrients it needs to recover. And, (maybe most importantly...) it tastes SO GOOD! Honestly, it's my motivation to get my booty out of bed and to the gym in the morning. I've been so excited about it that I thought I ought to share so that anyone reading can also enjoy. Excuse my lack of exact measurements. I've changed the amounts up each time and get similar results so I don't think it matters too much.

So here you are:

1 medium banana (preferably slightly overripe)
1 medium dollop of light greek yogurt (any flavor, plain if you want to cut out excess sugar)
1 heaping spoonful of peanut butter (go for natural PB! A little pricier but without that nasty hydrogenated oil)
1 handful of frozen berries
1 very generous handful of spinach
Milk (enough to barely see it around the rims of the pile, like you'd put in a bowl of cereal)
1 spoonful of honey.

Blend. Drink up.

If you're feeling chic and trendy put in some kale too. Yes it's kind of expensive but it's full of insane nutrients that will make you feel like a rock star. Or so they say. Also if you're vegan, substitute the milk for almond milk---it'll still be very good. Some people might want to use regular yogurt instead of greek (regular is cheaper). If that's you, go for it, but recognize that it won't be as creamy and you'll be lessening the overall amount of protein and upping the sugar.

Ok, also a couple weeks ago my friend and her husband dropped by a bag of snickerdoodles. Now usually I'm not a snickerdoodle person, but holy moly batman these are GOOD! Within moments I was exercising some insane self control to keep from taking a third, but naturally, that didn't last for very long. I asked my friend for the recipe and she sheepishly confessed that they were actually cake mix cookies. WHATTTT??? I've dubbed them "Satan's cookies" because they are SO easy to make and SO easy to overindulge on. Seriously they're just small and cute and you think "Oh its ok if I only have one, it won't kill me" but next thing you know you've eaten seven and your body is nearly out of insulin.

1 box of white "Supermoist" cake mix
1 egg
1/2 cup of butter
1/4 cup of cinnamon sugar.

mix mix mix. Form into little balls. Roll into cinnamon sugar. 350' for about 10 minutes. Take them out when they look underdone and after they cool they'll be PERFECTLY chewy. mmmmm just thinking about them makes my mouth water. But they've been banned from our apartment because I can't handle only eating one or two.

So there you go cyberspace. Enjoy!

Today I am a Mother

I think in the past four months I have accomplished everything on my daily to do list like three times. Maybe. At times...that bugs me. I like to check things off---it makes me feel productive and important. Sometimes I find myself pushing aside more important things because I want to check something off; and by more important things, I mean my little son Jayden.

Because he's only four months old, and a fairly easy going baby I'm quick to get really into whatever  I'm doing. Be it folding laundry, studying for my cert, washing dishes, or cooking I find myself often calling out "Just a second sweetie, let mommy finish this" every time he starts to whimper for my attention. Today I caught myself as I was once again putting him off and I gave myself a thorough scolding.

I am home to be with him, to be his mommy. To be ready with a cuddle and a smile when he needs me. I am not primarily a laundress, a cook, a student, or a dishwasher. I am a mother. And sometimes that means that my other hats need to come off so that I can love on my baby. The moments that I snuggle him tight, watching his blue eyes crinkle into a smile, or put him on my lap for a story, or let him stand on my belly while we sing a song are more important then any clothes that need folding or tests that need studying for.

Surely it's important to keep my apartment nice, my family fed, and my studies in order. Of course I need to take time to care for myself and cultivate my talents. But all in all, right now I am a mother. And the time that I have to hold my baby close to my heart will be gone before I know it, so I'm choosing to put aside my to do list and savor every moment.

Baby Jay Lately

One of these days I'll get to posting about the deep joy, gratitude, and satisfaction I get from being a mother. It'll be sweet and sappy and I'll probably cry as I write it. I sure do love my little jay! But for now, here's just a few photos of what he's been up to: 

Funny yawn

Teeny toes...oooooo I just want to kiss them! 

Almost caught a smile! 

Discovering his fist

When he wouldn't sleep anywhere but on my lap because his diaper rash hurt him so much :( bare bottom time is his favorite

Two months old! 

Playing with dad

Hands stuck in the air 

Playing cards with dad

Got a good hand! 

Caught a laugh! 

Three months old! 

First fohawk

Unveiling the diaper blowout

Mmmmmm yummy

First time wearing a suit to church...not excited about it

All better! 

Just hanging out

Our Anniversary and Thoughts About Marriage

Alright, I'm almost two months late. Oops. But oh well, better late then never! Carter and I had our one year anniversary last December 15. Since the 15th was a busy Sunday, and we had a ward party on the 14th, we celebrated on the 13th.

Carter took me to a yummy dinner and we splurged on a movie. Usually we go to the dollar theater, but we thought that for our anniversary we could make an exception. We saw The Hobbit. Honestly, it wasn't my favorite (a little cheesy) but it was fun being with Carter. Jayden came along too since he was too little to leave with someone, and that meant that I spent more time outside the theater then I did watching the movie. Perhaps that's why I didn't like it so much...But he's a sweetheart and I didn't mind. It was just fun being out on the town with my two handsome guys.

Honestly, our society has a horrible view on marriage. Divorce rates are higher than ever causing more and more young people to give up on the institution altogether. Just a few days ago I read the post "23 things to do instead of Getting Engaged" and I felt sad. Not that you should sulk around, twiddling your thumbs until you find that special someone, but to say that marriage is a cop out just shows how far downhill we've gone. The author of the post is entitled to her opinion. I'm not trying to insult or attack her. But I very passionately disagree. I'm no marriage expert, and don't mean to be preachy, but my limited experience says that, yes...marriage is hard. It requires a LOT of selflessness, growth, change, maturity, patience, work, and a willingness to make sacrifices for the sake of the family. True love is a living thing, and without constant nourishment it will die. BUT...all of that is worth it.

The joy I feel as I snuggle up to my husband, knowing that he has pledged his all to me and I to him more than compensates for any difficulty or sacrifice. I couldn't imagine life without him--without our evenings laughing in the kitchen while we clean up dinner. Without the way he tickles and plays with Jayden. Without the way he knows to ask me "how I feel about how I feel" about whatever I've been reading. Without the way he prays for me every night, thanking the Lord that we get to be together. Nope, no amount of traveling or business starting or dating multiple guys at once could compensate for my relationship with him. Plus, if I really wanted to start a business, it'd be more fun to do it with him anyways! And someday we will travel!

 I love that man. I love him in a way I didn't think possible a year ago when we were first married and I know that I'll love him even more as we continue life together. Marriage is meant to last forever. It's meant to be the sweetest, most precious relationship upon which the family and society is built. I believe this with all of my heart and have begun to feel the fruits of that belief put in action.

So to any single person reading this who may be nervous about eventually making that commitment: calm down. It's amazing. If you're willing to give your all and work for it it you'll be ok. But in the mean time enjoy where you're at. Learn, experience, grow, and discover. And when that sweet someone comes into your life and its time to take the leap, go for it. Even if you're not yet 23.

On the grounds of the Sacramento Temple

Isn't he a babe?

A year later practicing our duck face

At the valentines dance he took me to last night :) 

Our Holiday Season

I'm horrible about updating this blog. Absolutely horrible. But oh well. Here's a recap of our holiday season in all its glory:

Halloween:

Does Halloween count as a part of the holiday season? Some might say it's a holiday that celebrates satanic creatures and encourages children to bully treats out of their neighbors. But I kind of think its fun. The scary, bloody, gross stuff doesn't float my boat, but I'm always tickled to see little guys dressed up as princesses and super heroes. Plus it means I get to eat lots of pumpkin flavored treats, and that's never a bad thing.

We kept it simple this year as I was still recovering from Jay's birth and adjusting to my new sleep schedule. And by sleep schedule, I mean no-sleep schedule. I put on an orange sweater and we took a walk to Brick Oven pizza where we enjoyed a delicious large Hawaiin and some home brewed root beer. I'm usually not a soda person, but one does not turn down Brick Oven root beer. Not unless they're crazy. MMMmmmm. It was a fun, low key night, which is exactly what we needed.

38 week shot taken on Halloween haha

Thanksgiving:

I'm slightly obsessed with family traditions. Some of my fondest memories revolve around my family's holiday traditions so I decided to get one of our own going. Hence, the "gratitude" tree was born. For FHE one night, Carter and I talked about the importance of gratitude and then wrote things we are grateful for onto little leaves which we stuck on a paper tree trunk. It was really cute actually, I wish I had taken a picture. Jayden obviously didn't know what was going on, in fact I think he was asleep, but that's ok. He'll catch on eventually.

Carter and I originally planned to drive to Auburn the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, but with the help of a couple horrifically hard school weeks, I convinced him that taking our break a little early would be good. So instead we made our way the Friday before.

It was awesome being in Auburn. Our families decided to combine their Thanksgivings so we got the best of both worlds while we dined on Turkey. All of the grandparents, aunts, and uncles shamelessly doted on Jay and I got a good nap in. We played a lot of cards, watched movies, talked into the night, ate yummy food, went on some beautiful runs, wake boarded in Lake Rollins (wearing dry suits) and watched my dad, brothers and husband's studly finesse in the ward turkey bowl.

I loved the opportunity to ponder on the importance of gratitude. Truly, gratitude is the key component to a happy life. You can have all the riches this world can offer, but if you don't regularly count your blessings then you'll never be happy. Life's difficulties are much easier to wade through when we take time to thank the Lord for what we do have.

Grandmas blow drying jay's diaper rash. Talk about quality service! 

Christmas:

I LOVE Christmas!! When Carter and I set up our little tree, nativity stand, and lit our "evergreen scented" candle I couldn't shake the smile from my face. Christmas music was going constantly, and in the evening we took time to read different parts of the Christmas story. It was magical I tell you. I just felt full of good cheer and the desire to do good.

The Thursday of finals week, Carter took his last final and we sailed away to Auburn. It's always nice to be home. Throughout the weeks we played some football, ran, Christmas shopped, baked, attended friend's wedding receptions, played cards, visited, and introduced Jayden to the hot tub. He loved it by the way. That baby is a total water bug.

Growing up my family had a tradition of doing a little something for "baby Jesus" every day. At night when we'd gather before family prayer, my mom would ask what we each did, and then let us put a chocolate under the "Baby Jesus Tree" after we told her. Sometimes we forgot and would come up with something silly (in fact that happened more often then not) but the message stuck. Christmas is about service and love. Its about remembering the humble birth of our Savior and what His life meant. It's a time to try a little harder to be a little better to those around us. Carter and I want to instill that truth into our children and so this Christmas season we continued the tradition.

This lead to our deciding to make Christmas Eve a day of service. We found some sweet widows in our ward and put together some goodies (with the help of my mother in law) to take over. My family ended up coming too. All three were nice to see, but I especially loved visiting the second. She was so excited to have visitors and just beamed with excitement. It was really fun to talk with her about life and bask in her wisdom. I think we benefited more than she did.

Unfortunately, Jay and I got really sick and felt pretty under the weather the whole break. I felt bad for our families because Jayden was often cranky (understandably) and not very easy to snuggle with. But oh well. It was so nice to be with everyone. We were sad to leave, but excited to get back to a normal schedule.

Yep, the 2013 holidays were mighty good to us. Still, its nice to get back to the usual routine.