New Years is just around the corner and with it comes the usual commitments to improve in some way, shape, or form. If you're anything like me, you'll probably start out with a few reasonable goals and then decide that they're just not enough and end up adding more and more until you might as well consolidate them into one "Be Perfect" goal. At which point you'll feel depressed, anxious, and decide that it's hopeless and you might as well just quit while your ahead.
So yeah. How about let's not do that this year.
But more seriously, the reason I'm writing is because I have something to say about a goal that lots of people make: the weight loss goal.
First off, know that I'm passionate about this sort of thing, and I HEAR you. I have dealt with my fair share of body complexes and, at least some level, understand that brutal cycle many get into where they commit to change, get going, mess up, feel awful, repeat. May I suggest something a little radical when it comes to weight loss?
Maybe it's not us that is the problem. Maybe we're not a bunch of lazy bums. Maybe the messages we've been told about how to lose weight: i.e. eat less, exercise more, is what's wrong. Maybe we've been bombarded with unrealistic expectations about what we should look like.
Am I crazy?
Now slow down, before you start freaking out on me let's discuss this logically.
How long have we been told that all our weight problems will go away if we eat less and exercise more? And how long has that actually worked LONG TERM? Because, yes, starving yourself DOES help you lose weight. But for 95.4% of us, it only works temporarily (also check out this link to learn more about that statistic). Because our bodies are smart, and beautifully designed. They don't like to be hungry. And if we make them survive on less fuel than is optimal they will make adjustments (i.e. lower our metabolism and raise our set point weight). For a while, yes it will work. But over the long term, it will be, at best, incredibly hard, but more likely impossible to maintain and your weight will slowly creep up. So unless your looking to be a fitness model or body builder (in which case focusing on calories, macronutrient ratios, and more is necessary), maybe you should focus on a method that allows you to make the necessary changes, and then MOVE ON AND NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WEIGHT PROBLEMS AGAIN.
America is simultaneously starving for nutrients while tipping the scales as one of the most overweight countries in the world. We are suffering from a myriad of chronic diseases that come as a result of our obesity. And yet we have a multi million dollar dieting industry that uses your hard earned money to tell you that if you just eat less (of their food!) and exercise more you'll (starve) yourself down to an ideal weight and magically be happy. BUT THIS HAS NOT WORKED. We are not all lazy slobs. The formula has been tried and found wanting.
Can I just suggest something? Before you commit to buying more magic "pills or potions" or whittle your calorie limit lower than it should be, can you do some serious research into what the actual scientific nutrition researchers are saying about weight loss. PLEASE??? No, not your friend. Not the usual "weight loss" company that's trying to get your money. Not the gym rat. Ask the people in universities who have dedicated their careers to studying the human body and how to NOURISH it to help it thrive. For a long time, their research has been buried in academic journals, only read by fellow researchers. But some incredible individuals, have decided to delve into the research and put it in layman terms.
And let me tell you, it's awesome. Yes we shouldn't be eating 10 bajillion calories, yes we should be active. But the research has shown that rather than concentrate on quantity, we ought to be concentrating on the quality of what we eat. As in, eat so much healthy, nutritious food that you're too full for the edible garbage that's advertised as food. And seriously watch your life change. Our bodies were not designed to be obese, and just like the quality of the air we breathe and the water we drink matters for our health, the type of food we consume matters too. You cannot live happily on 1500 calories of junk.
There's so much I could say---Living a healthy lifestyle has been a huge interest and passion of mine for a long time and I'm not the type to jump on bandwagons without ample evidence.
I'm telling you that this new school of thought revolving around "quality" not "quantity" is the real deal.
So before you commit to lose the same 20 pounds, AGAIN maybe look at your approach. It is possible to heal your body's metabolism and discover your healthiest self.
I began my journey of learning about this different approach by reading The Calorie Myth by Jonathon Bailor. Grab it on Amazon. After frustrating attempts to gain weight himself and help people lose weight as their personal trainer, Bailor spent 12 years delving into the research of fat loss. This book represents his findings and has been endorsed by UCLA Medical School, Harvard Medical School, John Hopkins, and many many MANY more brilliant researchers. For an introduction to his ideas listen to this podcast.
Before you think I'm crazy, give this guy's ideas a shot. The principles of SANEity work for any food belief system--vegan, vegetarian, etc. Just about any question you could have is answered in either the book or in one of the podcasts so if you're interested explore that. There's no catch, no scheme. Just information and a new way of looking at getting healthy.
Love to you all (especially those who got this far in the post). Remember that you were not meant to live a life revolving around dieting and brutal workouts. You have too many important things to accomplish in life to be worrying about and hating your body. So learn how to care for it optimally by nourishing it with LOTS of good food, and then move on to what you were born to do. Good luck in your resolutions.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Early Morning Joys
A while ago my sweet cousin sent me a link to the article "I really love my daughter, but I'm not supposed to talk about that". It's an insightful and thought provoking read that I really enjoyed. Though not nearly as talented in writing, I want to join her in questioning why it is that we parents seem compelled to accentuate the negative when talking about our children. Or rather, why are there not words to express the joys associated with parenthood?
Now trust me, I know parenthood isn't all warm fuzzies and chocolate chip cookies. There are brutally hard days, I promise I've had my fair share with plenty more on the horizon. I don't think we do anybody any favors when we refuse to acknowledge the difficulties, because that only makes those who are struggling feel alone. So if you are feeling burdened down by your great responsibilities as a parent, know that you're in good company.
But...there IS immense joy. And I want to broadcast that. I want everyone to know that motherhood and fatherhood, though full of sacrifice, brings a sweetness unique to itself. These moments are so fleeting, and easily missed if one chooses not to see them. Yet they are there, and when we focus on the good and seek to have a heart full of gratitude, we can grasp and relish in them.
Here is one I've experienced just today...I'm not sure how to put it in writing, but I'll try.
At 4am I awoke to the gentle crying of my baby. It wasn't a distressed cry, just a "hey Momma! I'm up and hungry" call for my attention. As I went to grab my little Jackson, upon seeing me, his face lit up into the happiest smile. He cooed and squealed, as if trying to tell me about the dreams he dreamt and the angels who visited him in the night. I scooped him up as he kicked around, excited to be getting his morning milk. While nursing him in the soft light of a dim lamp, I rubbed his almost bald little head while he gazed up at me. He kept dropping his latch because of the smiles he wanted to share. I felt perfectly peaceful and content. Tired? Of course. A little overwhelmed about all that needed to be done in the coming day? Yes. But as I snuggled my little one close I was overcome with gratitude for his love for me. Despite all that I do wrong as a mother, I HAVE gained his trust. He knows that when I enter the room, comfort and peace is on its way. He knows I will feed him, clothe him, play with him, smile at him, and love him. It is a beautiful and noble thing to be so purely loved by such a precious little baby.
No day is perfect. There are things that go wrong, chaos to wade through, and some sort of stressful situation to deal with. But if we keep putting our happiness on hold until everything is just right, then we'll never find it. The trick is to savor the good while it is happening.
Now trust me, I know parenthood isn't all warm fuzzies and chocolate chip cookies. There are brutally hard days, I promise I've had my fair share with plenty more on the horizon. I don't think we do anybody any favors when we refuse to acknowledge the difficulties, because that only makes those who are struggling feel alone. So if you are feeling burdened down by your great responsibilities as a parent, know that you're in good company.
But...there IS immense joy. And I want to broadcast that. I want everyone to know that motherhood and fatherhood, though full of sacrifice, brings a sweetness unique to itself. These moments are so fleeting, and easily missed if one chooses not to see them. Yet they are there, and when we focus on the good and seek to have a heart full of gratitude, we can grasp and relish in them.
Here is one I've experienced just today...I'm not sure how to put it in writing, but I'll try.
At 4am I awoke to the gentle crying of my baby. It wasn't a distressed cry, just a "hey Momma! I'm up and hungry" call for my attention. As I went to grab my little Jackson, upon seeing me, his face lit up into the happiest smile. He cooed and squealed, as if trying to tell me about the dreams he dreamt and the angels who visited him in the night. I scooped him up as he kicked around, excited to be getting his morning milk. While nursing him in the soft light of a dim lamp, I rubbed his almost bald little head while he gazed up at me. He kept dropping his latch because of the smiles he wanted to share. I felt perfectly peaceful and content. Tired? Of course. A little overwhelmed about all that needed to be done in the coming day? Yes. But as I snuggled my little one close I was overcome with gratitude for his love for me. Despite all that I do wrong as a mother, I HAVE gained his trust. He knows that when I enter the room, comfort and peace is on its way. He knows I will feed him, clothe him, play with him, smile at him, and love him. It is a beautiful and noble thing to be so purely loved by such a precious little baby.
No day is perfect. There are things that go wrong, chaos to wade through, and some sort of stressful situation to deal with. But if we keep putting our happiness on hold until everything is just right, then we'll never find it. The trick is to savor the good while it is happening.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
The Going Ons
In my last post I spilled my heart out about family life, and I'm feeling very vulnerable. So in order to lighten the mood and give myself something fun to read when I'm an old lady I thought I'd document some of the cute and not-so-cute things going on.
First off, my phone keeps dying. Which means I need a new battery. Which stinks. But alas...first world problems. It's so silly how some of our greatest blessings (like an awesome phone) can turn into annoyances. I'm just spoiled I guess.
Next, Jayden is D E S T R U C T I V E. Seriously. I turn around and BAM marker on the wall. BAM food storage all over the floor. BAM shampoo on the toilet. BAM library books strewn about. Goodness, who is responsible for this kid and WHY CAN'T THEY KEEP HIM CONTAINED?? I don't know. When you have an idea please send it my way. In the mean time I'll be picking up something or scrubbing off the last semblance of my sanity that has spilled onto the floor along with the peanut butter he decided to smear everywhere. Luckily, the child is cute. Often I have to decide to just let it go, laugh, take a picture, and enjoy.
Also, despite their messy ways, my boys are so precious. When Jackson was born and life was hectic I had to clearly decide to slow down and SAVOR. I want to savor his precious smiles and coos. I want to savor the way Jayden toddles around (destroying things...wait what?) and says cute things like "Good night momma!". The other morning Jayden woke me up by riding his little trike over to my bed and giving (I mean throwing) his cereal bowl at me with a "MO BREFESS!" It wasn't the easiest way to wake up, but it makes for a good story and I'm tickled every time I remember. For the record, we HAVE been working really hard on saying please and being polite. But come on, the kid isn't even two.
I love how much my boys love to read stories. For a long time I wasn't sure if Jayden even cared about reading because he never seemed to pay attention. I was really concerned about it because apparently the world will end if you don't have a good reading session with your kid every day. But then one day he was obsessed and now we have to replenish our supply of books very regularly. I love that he loves it. And I love that I know longer have to worry about the world ending.
Jackson is the most social little thing you'll ever meet. His eyes light up when there are people around and he's happy to coo to, smile at, and kiss anybody. He is such a precious baby and I adore him. He gave me a good 6 hour stretch of sleep last night and it was GLORIOUS (cue the hallelujah chorus). I am happy to report that my sleep deprivation is slowly but surely getting better.
I love to watch Jayden learn things. For a long time you just talk to your baby all day, hoping that he cares and/or is maybe learning something. And then one day he talks back, saying something EXACTLY how you'd say it and you realize that, jee whizz, he was paying attention!? It's fantastic. I love watching his cute personality shine through.
Mornings are horrific. I hate waking up in the morning---I literally need an hour before I feel somewhat human. I've always wanted to be more of a morning person, but I just don't know if that will ever happen. I really do love life, just not in the morning.
We've been focusing on eating a lot healthier (except we always have treats on Sunday because come on people, life without dessert is just sad). I love to cook and it's been great learning how to budget for and prepare healthy food. Maybe someday I'll write about that.
I'm obsessed with podcasts and listen to them all day. Laundry and other menial chores are way more fun when you have something to learn about. Technology is incredible I tell you.
Hmm, what else. School is going well for Carter and I. I'm taking an easy semester and it's fantastic. Someday, perhaps before the world ends, I will graduate. Carter says that when I do we will go on a fun vacation. So hold him to that cyberspace because I'm a girl who loves to travel.
That's about it. I'm blessed with so many fun and inspiring people around me. I love my family, my ward, and all my friends. Life is, as usual, just so good.
First off, my phone keeps dying. Which means I need a new battery. Which stinks. But alas...first world problems. It's so silly how some of our greatest blessings (like an awesome phone) can turn into annoyances. I'm just spoiled I guess.
Next, Jayden is D E S T R U C T I V E. Seriously. I turn around and BAM marker on the wall. BAM food storage all over the floor. BAM shampoo on the toilet. BAM library books strewn about. Goodness, who is responsible for this kid and WHY CAN'T THEY KEEP HIM CONTAINED?? I don't know. When you have an idea please send it my way. In the mean time I'll be picking up something or scrubbing off the last semblance of my sanity that has spilled onto the floor along with the peanut butter he decided to smear everywhere. Luckily, the child is cute. Often I have to decide to just let it go, laugh, take a picture, and enjoy.
Also, despite their messy ways, my boys are so precious. When Jackson was born and life was hectic I had to clearly decide to slow down and SAVOR. I want to savor his precious smiles and coos. I want to savor the way Jayden toddles around (destroying things...wait what?) and says cute things like "Good night momma!". The other morning Jayden woke me up by riding his little trike over to my bed and giving (I mean throwing) his cereal bowl at me with a "MO BREFESS!" It wasn't the easiest way to wake up, but it makes for a good story and I'm tickled every time I remember. For the record, we HAVE been working really hard on saying please and being polite. But come on, the kid isn't even two.
I love how much my boys love to read stories. For a long time I wasn't sure if Jayden even cared about reading because he never seemed to pay attention. I was really concerned about it because apparently the world will end if you don't have a good reading session with your kid every day. But then one day he was obsessed and now we have to replenish our supply of books very regularly. I love that he loves it. And I love that I know longer have to worry about the world ending.
Jackson is the most social little thing you'll ever meet. His eyes light up when there are people around and he's happy to coo to, smile at, and kiss anybody. He is such a precious baby and I adore him. He gave me a good 6 hour stretch of sleep last night and it was GLORIOUS (cue the hallelujah chorus). I am happy to report that my sleep deprivation is slowly but surely getting better.
I love to watch Jayden learn things. For a long time you just talk to your baby all day, hoping that he cares and/or is maybe learning something. And then one day he talks back, saying something EXACTLY how you'd say it and you realize that, jee whizz, he was paying attention!? It's fantastic. I love watching his cute personality shine through.
Mornings are horrific. I hate waking up in the morning---I literally need an hour before I feel somewhat human. I've always wanted to be more of a morning person, but I just don't know if that will ever happen. I really do love life, just not in the morning.
We've been focusing on eating a lot healthier (except we always have treats on Sunday because come on people, life without dessert is just sad). I love to cook and it's been great learning how to budget for and prepare healthy food. Maybe someday I'll write about that.
I'm obsessed with podcasts and listen to them all day. Laundry and other menial chores are way more fun when you have something to learn about. Technology is incredible I tell you.
Hmm, what else. School is going well for Carter and I. I'm taking an easy semester and it's fantastic. Someday, perhaps before the world ends, I will graduate. Carter says that when I do we will go on a fun vacation. So hold him to that cyberspace because I'm a girl who loves to travel.
That's about it. I'm blessed with so many fun and inspiring people around me. I love my family, my ward, and all my friends. Life is, as usual, just so good.
At the farmers market!
This couple who keep bees created a skin cream that helps with ezema. It's amazing! Go buy it!
Jayden is obsessed with "boo-ball", more commonly referred to as football. Go Cougars!
Playing in the rain :)
Oh hello adorable baby! Please never grow up.
After morning jobs during the few moments before their outfits and hair dos get gunked up. Luckily they're pretty adorable regardless :)
Wearing Jackson to the grocery store. Shopping with two babies is quite the adventure.
Love him
During our date night on the couch listening to our babies scream. And yet it was still fabulous. I sure love this guy.
Yeah so this happened. One of those "we better just laugh" moments.
Found a Pinterest brownie recipe we had to try for our Sunday treat and I decided to let Jayden lick the bowl for a minute because I'm a bad mom who wants my kid to get diabetes and salmonella poisoning. Jayden was all for it.
Reading stories in our jammies or just a diaper because sometimes it's easier to go without clothing.
Family Joy
Hi cyberspace. I've had lots of thoughts swirling around my head about family and happiness and I thought I'd share. I have to be honest, I have a really hard time sharing my heart on the internet. But I think it's important to show positive, honest views about family living because often only the sad, hard stuff gets attention. Please though, if you feel like throwing rotten tomatoes at me after reading, just don't. Because I'm really sensitive and heaven knows my husband has to deal with enough of my emotions.
Today in Relief Society (a meeting in church for the women) my sweet friend gave a lesson about two of my favorite talks from last April's General Conference. The talks were Elder Christofferson's "Why Marriage? Why Family" and Sister Burton's "We'll Ascend Together". I loved the lesson and discussion we had. You have to understand, I LOVE thinking, talking about, studying, and learning about the importance of family and family dynamics. I am honored to be a wife and mother and I hope to be a marriage and family therapist someday. Strengthening the institution of family is my passion because I truly believe that all of society's great problems could be solved if everybody had a strong, committed family they belonged to. So needless to say, I had to sit on my hands and bite my tongue to keep from talking too much during the lesson. I am proud to say that I limited myself to one comment, which is saying something, because I sure know how to talk.
Anyways...I love the family. I know it is a divine institution and that our happiness as children of God is intricately tied to our commitment to our relationships with each other. The Lord has given us the doctrines and principles we need to have strong families. It is from being committed to each other and Christ that the deepest desires of our hearts--to be truly loved, honored, known, and cherished---can be reached.
That being said, though we have been given a picture of what the ideal family situation looks like I think it's so important to realize that NO FAMILY IS ANYWHERE NEAR PERFECT. Maybe you didn't have parents who were committed to each other or you. Maybe you have a spouse or child who has hurt your deeply. Maybe, for whatever reason, you've been denied family relationships that you so desperately want. Maybe you have family members who have severely abused you. Or perhaps, you have an "ideal" family situation but struggle with the various human weaknesses of your family members. The thing is, everybody has something within their family that is brilliantly hard. But that's OK because we have a Savior.
Jesus Christ's Atonement can overcome any struggle you or your family is experiencing. It doesn't matter what it is, He is there. His grace is sufficient, He is ready to help. As we make and keep covenants with Him, regardless of where our family members are in their relationship with Him, our lives and the lives of our loved ones are blessed. We are more sensitive to His promptings and our capacity to do good is increased.
Trust in Him. Pattern your life after His and trust that He has the answers to your honest questions, concerns, and fears. Sometimes we get too concerned with the task lists of "righteous" living. We become like the Pharisees of old who were perfect at marking off boxes, but didn't see their Savior, though He stood right there. I loved President Uchtdorf's reminder to the women last Saturday that in the end, the gospel of Jesus Christ centers around love. Love for the Savior, and love for each other. Everything we do is about growing the love we have in our hearts for Him, and increasing our desire to be more like Him.
So what does this have to do with families? Family life is hard. There have been many moments where I've honestly asked God why this has to be so hard. But I've learned that as I choose to have faith, I am supplied with hope and can better see the good in my life. And when I focus on this good, I recognize the hand of God. I feel more inspired in how to do this holy work. And I know I'm not alone. So trust in Him, and rather than turning to Facebook, Instagram, chocolate cake, or worldly accolades for validation turn to Him. He will help, He can help bring peace to any storm. And I am so grateful for that. This is something I struggle with everyday, but I'm committed to keep trying. So join me! Because it's so much easier to do things together!
The world will find peace as we accept Him as our good shepherd and learn to love each other and ourselves as He does. Our families will be blessed, and we will find the joy our heart yearns for.
Today in Relief Society (a meeting in church for the women) my sweet friend gave a lesson about two of my favorite talks from last April's General Conference. The talks were Elder Christofferson's "Why Marriage? Why Family" and Sister Burton's "We'll Ascend Together". I loved the lesson and discussion we had. You have to understand, I LOVE thinking, talking about, studying, and learning about the importance of family and family dynamics. I am honored to be a wife and mother and I hope to be a marriage and family therapist someday. Strengthening the institution of family is my passion because I truly believe that all of society's great problems could be solved if everybody had a strong, committed family they belonged to. So needless to say, I had to sit on my hands and bite my tongue to keep from talking too much during the lesson. I am proud to say that I limited myself to one comment, which is saying something, because I sure know how to talk.
Anyways...I love the family. I know it is a divine institution and that our happiness as children of God is intricately tied to our commitment to our relationships with each other. The Lord has given us the doctrines and principles we need to have strong families. It is from being committed to each other and Christ that the deepest desires of our hearts--to be truly loved, honored, known, and cherished---can be reached.
That being said, though we have been given a picture of what the ideal family situation looks like I think it's so important to realize that NO FAMILY IS ANYWHERE NEAR PERFECT. Maybe you didn't have parents who were committed to each other or you. Maybe you have a spouse or child who has hurt your deeply. Maybe, for whatever reason, you've been denied family relationships that you so desperately want. Maybe you have family members who have severely abused you. Or perhaps, you have an "ideal" family situation but struggle with the various human weaknesses of your family members. The thing is, everybody has something within their family that is brilliantly hard. But that's OK because we have a Savior.
Jesus Christ's Atonement can overcome any struggle you or your family is experiencing. It doesn't matter what it is, He is there. His grace is sufficient, He is ready to help. As we make and keep covenants with Him, regardless of where our family members are in their relationship with Him, our lives and the lives of our loved ones are blessed. We are more sensitive to His promptings and our capacity to do good is increased.
Trust in Him. Pattern your life after His and trust that He has the answers to your honest questions, concerns, and fears. Sometimes we get too concerned with the task lists of "righteous" living. We become like the Pharisees of old who were perfect at marking off boxes, but didn't see their Savior, though He stood right there. I loved President Uchtdorf's reminder to the women last Saturday that in the end, the gospel of Jesus Christ centers around love. Love for the Savior, and love for each other. Everything we do is about growing the love we have in our hearts for Him, and increasing our desire to be more like Him.
So what does this have to do with families? Family life is hard. There have been many moments where I've honestly asked God why this has to be so hard. But I've learned that as I choose to have faith, I am supplied with hope and can better see the good in my life. And when I focus on this good, I recognize the hand of God. I feel more inspired in how to do this holy work. And I know I'm not alone. So trust in Him, and rather than turning to Facebook, Instagram, chocolate cake, or worldly accolades for validation turn to Him. He will help, He can help bring peace to any storm. And I am so grateful for that. This is something I struggle with everyday, but I'm committed to keep trying. So join me! Because it's so much easier to do things together!
The world will find peace as we accept Him as our good shepherd and learn to love each other and ourselves as He does. Our families will be blessed, and we will find the joy our heart yearns for.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
A Happily Ever After Birth Story
On May 21 my sweetheart Carter had to take off for his much anticipated trip to China where he'd be studying megastructures. This trip will enable him to finish his Masters degree in Structural Civil Engineering in just a year and so we decided it was a good investment. Plus it would teach him a lot about what he loved and wanted to do. We'd planned and saved for it before we became pregnant, and when we realized the due date and trip dates collided, we hoped that I'd come a little early so he could be at the birth. However, my body knew better and the 21st came and went without my going into labor. I was very sad to see Carter go, but trusted it was probably better for my little guy to bake some more. I had a lot of anxiety about how the birth and move would all work, but right before he left Carter gave me a powerful priesthood blessing. My heart was soothed and I knew everything would work out.
The last few weeks of my third trimester were the hardest for me physically and emotionally. I'd never gotten past 37 weeks with Jayden and so late pregnancy was a new experience. I was very tired all the time and struggled to walk, move, and really exist without hurting and feeling sick. But I was reminded to be grateful and that really helped. When I focused on how miraculous it was to be able to have a baby I was most happy.
After Carter left my angel mom came to stay with me and we spent the weekend trying to kill time while we waited for the baby's arrival. We tried to stay busy and prayed he'd come soon because we'd need to be out of our apartment by June 1. Luckily, we didn't have to wait too long.
Birth Story
On Monday night/Tuesday early morning my little Jayden was having a hard time. He'd been struggling for a couple weeks with all the changes occurring in our home and it affected his sleep. As I groggily went to help him for the fourth time that night I noticed a sharp tightening of my belly. I'd been having braxton hicks like nobody's business for weeks so I tried not to think about it because I didn't want to get excited. I hadn't progressed at all at my last doctors visit and I wasn't in the mood to get my hopes dashed again. I decided to bring Jayden to bed with me because he seemed to really need some momma time. He's the worst cuddler in the world and impossible to sleep with, but I'm so glad I had that time with him. It was our last night together where he was my baby and I will forever treasure it.
Eventually I took notice of the sharp tightenings that were coming every so often and I decided to begin timing. This happened around 5 or 6am, I can't remember exactly. I just made a mental note of each one and would glance at the clock. They were sharp enough to notice, but not sharp enough for me to need to work through them. Eventually by about 7:45 they increased in strength and were coming every 12 minutes. I told my mom I thought labor could be starting. I didn't want to get too excited because I'd had regular contractions before with nothing happening, but these felt different. They were more powerful and painful. I had an appointment that afternoon and so I decided I'd wait and see what happened.
By 9:30 the contractions were becoming very difficult and about 8-7 minutes apart. I needed to be in a squat and breath deeply to cope. I was still in denial about being in labor for real because I was scared of getting sent home from the hospital. I didn't think there was any way I'd need to go to the hospital before my afternoon appointment.
10am came around and my contractions increased in strength once again. By 10:30 they were coming every 6-5 minutes apart and I had my mom time them because I couldn't think very coherently through the pain. She and my sister suggested we go to the hospital but I was still too scared to go. Finally at about 10:50 I felt the baby move down with a contraction and my gag reflex was triggered so I knew these pains were the real deal. At this point they were 5 minutes apart and lasting for about 90 seconds.
My sister took Jayden to my aunt's house and mom and I drove to the hospital. During the 15 minute car ride the contractions came every 4 minutes. By the time we got out of the car, they came ever 3 minutes and I'd have to squat on the ground to cope with them. My mind blurred as I worked on breathing through and let my body open up. I focused on relaxing my muscles and working with what my body wanted to do. I kept praying for angels to help me. We got in the hospital and I was quickly admitted into a room where a nurse came to check me.
By this point the contractions were very intense. The nurse checked me and I was 5cm dilated and 100% effaced. YES!!! She asked if I wanted an epidural to which I replied with a HECK YA. Stick that happy juice in me baby because I was OVER IT. Kudos to my sisters who like to go natural, but I am a supporter of drugs and really looked forward to getting mine.
The nurse rang up the anastesiologist (aka the most wonderful man in the world) but he was busy and so I'd have to wait a few minutes. Well in those few minutes I progressed to a 7 and the contractions seemed to come nonstop. Though I know there were breaks, they didn't feel very long. By that point I was strapped to a bed which is the worst way to labor. My mom and sister applied counter pressure and I focused on breathing, but really I just prayed the drugs would come soon.
By about 11:50 the epidural man got there and instructed me on what to do, all the possible things I could experience, and where to sign. They gave me the pillow to hug and my mom held me while I struggled to stay still through a contraction so they could insert the epidural. The doctor gave me strong drugs that would kick in quickly because everyone could tell the baby was coming soon and things were about to get super intense.
The relief started to kick in a little after noon and boy was I in HEAVEN. By 12:20 the doctor came into break my water and right after, he said it was time to push because the baby was on his way out. I could feel the pressure but was still suprised that it was time already. After four contractions worth of pushing I felt my little boy slip out. He was beautiful and I was full of love. We decided to name him Jackson Alan Livingston.
I loved that the epidural took the sharpness out of the contractions but was low enough so I could still tell what was happening. Because it was only going for about 20-25 minutes before Jackson came, I was able to walk around just a couple hours after the birth. With this birth I didn't need many stitches and felt really good by the next day. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better birthing experience.
Jackson Alan Livingston was born at 12:35 and weighed 8lbs on the dot. He was declared perfectly healthy and very quickly placed in my arms where we snuggled and got to know each other. He was very alert, and didn't try sleeping until a couple hours after the birth. He nuzzled into me and I held him tight while he contemplated this new place. Eventually he started rooting around and was able to latch on right away. Jayden really struggled with nursing and so to have a baby take to it so easily was surprising. After a couple hours I went with the nurse to get him bathed. He was scrubbed up and then took a much needed nap. I felt overwhelmed with love for my baby and gratitude for his and my health.
We spent the rest of the evening and the next day resting and getting used to nursing and then on Thursday morning we were discharged from the hospital. Jackson newborn screening tests went really well and he was doing a great job eating and digesting. A lot of the things I stressed over with Jayden weren't issues and so I felt relatively calm when we left. Though tired and sore, I felt really good and relished my non pregnant body. I will take postpartum over pregnancy any day. The after birth cramping was far more intense this time around but that's to be expected and a healthy dose of breathing and painkillers took the edge off.
I could go on for years about how grateful I am to my mom and sister for helping me out. They were both there during the birth and provided a lot of emotional support. Though I missed Jayden I was comforted knowing that he was being well cared for by them. On Thursday they helped me scrub and move out of my apartment and then Friday morning after a visit with the pediatrician, my mom, Jackson, Jayden and I took off for California where we'd be for the summer.
Words cannot adequately describe my gratitude for my little Jackson. To participate so closely with God in the miracle of life is an honor I don't take for granted. I am humbled by our many blessings and really love my opportunity to be a mother. Family really is most important after all.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Pregnancy Take Two
On September 8, I felt really tired and weird. I'm pretty in tune with my body and immediately wondered if I was pregnant. I decided not to check because I had my marathon to run that weekend and didn't want to get psyched out. So I kept my thoughts to myself and went on. The marathon went well, but it took me a good week to feel normal again, and I couldn't shake feeling tired. So finally I took a test and it was POSITIVE!
I waited a couple days to tell Carter so I could tell him in the temple. It was very special and he felt really excited. Though we told our families just a couple weeks later, we decided to keep the news fairly private and low key for the first few months. I was very excited and happy about being pregnant, but I was scared people would judge us for having another baby while finishing school. I didn't want my happy news spoiled by naysayers who don't have all the information, and so I just didn't tell. Though I know I shouldn't care, I did. And so we kept it pretty quiet; it wasn't really a secret, we just didn't broadcast it all over the place.
And actually, that helped things go by really quickly. Honestly, the first trimester is a blur. I felt really awful every day between the nausea and exhaustion, but I had school to do, a toddler and husband to care for and church assignments to think about so I just took one day at a time and eventually it passed. Some days Id take it really easy and just lay on the couch with my school work while Jayden played in a blocked off area. My cousin and friends would take him occasionally so I could sleep and that was nice. The first trimester was hard, but keeping busy helped it pass quickly.
I waited a couple days to tell Carter so I could tell him in the temple. It was very special and he felt really excited. Though we told our families just a couple weeks later, we decided to keep the news fairly private and low key for the first few months. I was very excited and happy about being pregnant, but I was scared people would judge us for having another baby while finishing school. I didn't want my happy news spoiled by naysayers who don't have all the information, and so I just didn't tell. Though I know I shouldn't care, I did. And so we kept it pretty quiet; it wasn't really a secret, we just didn't broadcast it all over the place.
And actually, that helped things go by really quickly. Honestly, the first trimester is a blur. I felt really awful every day between the nausea and exhaustion, but I had school to do, a toddler and husband to care for and church assignments to think about so I just took one day at a time and eventually it passed. Some days Id take it really easy and just lay on the couch with my school work while Jayden played in a blocked off area. My cousin and friends would take him occasionally so I could sleep and that was nice. The first trimester was hard, but keeping busy helped it pass quickly.
My second trimester was a dream! I had way more energy and got completely over the nausea. Except for my increased appetite, growing belly, and decreased physical stamina I felt pretty normal. We found out that we're having another BOY at 20 weeks and we're so excited. He and Jayden will hopefully be good buddies. I've never been able to work out normally while pregnant; running or any sort of intense activity makes me sick and very crampy. So I stick with walking, light hiking, and light weight lifting and have found that it helps my energy levels. Until the third trimester...
The third trimester hit me like a ton of bricks. Literally one day I felt great and the next I felt super exhausted and crampy. I won't go into details, but I just don't ever feel very good. But welcome to life! That's how the game goes! Taking warm baths each night helps a lot with the discomfort. That and eating ice cream with carter :)
Jayden often points to my stomach and asks "baby?". We've been trying to prepare him for our new arrival but I'm sure it will take a lot of adjusting! We're excited for him to be a big brother, he's got such a tender little heart.
We're so excited for this healthy pregnancy. I know so many struggle with fertility and pregnancy and my heart goes out to them. We don't take this blessing for granted. I love motherhood. Yes it's exhausting, achy, and often messy; but it brings me so much closer to God and helps me get closer to who I want to be.
No Posterity, I'm Not Dead
Ok I know I'm horrible about updating this thing. It's just so nerve wracking to put one's thoughts and feelings on the internet. It's essentially saying: here world, take my heart and judge it! Of course I could document our family history on a private Word document, but I'd like to think that through this blog I'm sharing the beauties (and realities!) of family life. And maybe somebody somewhere appreciates that. But anyways...
Life is good. I have a couple finals to study for and I have guests coming soon so I really ought to clean, but I feel like writing. So here I am. This is what's been going on with us:
Carter - Gosh that man is great. Of course I wouldn't tell you if he wasn't, but luckily he is so I don't have to worry about that. He has ROCKED his first semester of graduate school. He always goes into a semester not sure if he'll do OK, and then he comes away with great grades and a solid understanding of everything. It's not fair really, he just really gets engineering. He's been working as an engineer for the firm he worked for last summer. They have him work remotely while in school and over summer we'll go back so he can work full time. He's set to graduate with his Masters in Structural Engineering in December and we are SO excited. We've loved the "student" phase of our marriage, but it will be exciting to move on. Besides work and school, he hangs out with Jayden and I. He makes family a top priority and I am so grateful for that. Every night, after he's done with everything we watch an episode of Psych and snuggle. It's low key, but totally our favorite time of the day.
A few weeks ago he took me on an overnight getaway to Salt Lake City. It was so fun and relaxing. We've made a goal to go on a little honeymoon every year, and so this was our trip for 2015. It was way too short, but so so fun. Then right after that, my parents told us about a trip they were taking to San Diego and invited us to tag along. Even though it'd require Carter to miss three days of school, we decided to do it because life is short and we felt like being a little irresponsible. So Carter spent a few days getting ahead in everything and then we drove down. We had SO much fun playing in the ocean and relaxing with family.
Jayden has been so fun, but SO busy! He's become more of a toddler than a baby and it's both exciting and sad to me. I miss my little baby! He toddles really well and is always climbing on things or getting into something he shouldn't. Keeping up with him is exhausting! His personality is really coming through and I love having him around. He likes to "help" me while I do dishes, cook, clean, and fold laundry. I'll usually set him up next to me with his own dishes to clean or clothes to fold and we listen to music and dance while we get work done. I love that he likes to be with me and I'm trying to soak it in when I can. After a while he'll get bored and decide to go do his own thing and I've found that if things get too quiet than I'm in trouble. We have our hard days, sometimes he's just ornery and stubborn. Toddler psychology is difficult! But I'm learning how to handle it. Things are always interesting.
I've been fairly busy, but that's the way I like it. In my ward I serve as the Relief Society President and I've loved it. We have a good ward and I've learned a lot from some awesome ladies. I'm also in school and have to carve out time every day for assignments. This gets interesting, but as I've gotten Jayden on a good routine, it's not hard to find time to work. I honestly feel like I'm hitting my stride as a mom/student/wife. I've developed a decent system for things and I'm feeling pretty good...but of course now that I say that something has to rock the boat. Which leads me to our newest news...
We're pregnant! And the baby is coming in a month haha! Oh my gosh, it really is a month. I better get things ready. I've been meaning to post about this newest pregnancy, but things have been so busy! I promise we love this baby with all our hearts and are so excited, but life happens fast.
Anyways, this post has gone on way too long and is far too full of rainbows and butterflies. Just know that life is not perfect; every day I have my moments and I could tell you all about my shortcomings but then this post would never end. So there you are posterity. Enjoy :)
Life is good. I have a couple finals to study for and I have guests coming soon so I really ought to clean, but I feel like writing. So here I am. This is what's been going on with us:
Carter - Gosh that man is great. Of course I wouldn't tell you if he wasn't, but luckily he is so I don't have to worry about that. He has ROCKED his first semester of graduate school. He always goes into a semester not sure if he'll do OK, and then he comes away with great grades and a solid understanding of everything. It's not fair really, he just really gets engineering. He's been working as an engineer for the firm he worked for last summer. They have him work remotely while in school and over summer we'll go back so he can work full time. He's set to graduate with his Masters in Structural Engineering in December and we are SO excited. We've loved the "student" phase of our marriage, but it will be exciting to move on. Besides work and school, he hangs out with Jayden and I. He makes family a top priority and I am so grateful for that. Every night, after he's done with everything we watch an episode of Psych and snuggle. It's low key, but totally our favorite time of the day.
A few weeks ago he took me on an overnight getaway to Salt Lake City. It was so fun and relaxing. We've made a goal to go on a little honeymoon every year, and so this was our trip for 2015. It was way too short, but so so fun. Then right after that, my parents told us about a trip they were taking to San Diego and invited us to tag along. Even though it'd require Carter to miss three days of school, we decided to do it because life is short and we felt like being a little irresponsible. So Carter spent a few days getting ahead in everything and then we drove down. We had SO much fun playing in the ocean and relaxing with family.
Jayden has been so fun, but SO busy! He's become more of a toddler than a baby and it's both exciting and sad to me. I miss my little baby! He toddles really well and is always climbing on things or getting into something he shouldn't. Keeping up with him is exhausting! His personality is really coming through and I love having him around. He likes to "help" me while I do dishes, cook, clean, and fold laundry. I'll usually set him up next to me with his own dishes to clean or clothes to fold and we listen to music and dance while we get work done. I love that he likes to be with me and I'm trying to soak it in when I can. After a while he'll get bored and decide to go do his own thing and I've found that if things get too quiet than I'm in trouble. We have our hard days, sometimes he's just ornery and stubborn. Toddler psychology is difficult! But I'm learning how to handle it. Things are always interesting.
I've been fairly busy, but that's the way I like it. In my ward I serve as the Relief Society President and I've loved it. We have a good ward and I've learned a lot from some awesome ladies. I'm also in school and have to carve out time every day for assignments. This gets interesting, but as I've gotten Jayden on a good routine, it's not hard to find time to work. I honestly feel like I'm hitting my stride as a mom/student/wife. I've developed a decent system for things and I'm feeling pretty good...but of course now that I say that something has to rock the boat. Which leads me to our newest news...
We're pregnant! And the baby is coming in a month haha! Oh my gosh, it really is a month. I better get things ready. I've been meaning to post about this newest pregnancy, but things have been so busy! I promise we love this baby with all our hearts and are so excited, but life happens fast.
Anyways, this post has gone on way too long and is far too full of rainbows and butterflies. Just know that life is not perfect; every day I have my moments and I could tell you all about my shortcomings but then this post would never end. So there you are posterity. Enjoy :)
Jayden helping me study!
Snuggle time after a long day
My gag reflex is triggered whenever I change Jayden because of my sensitivity to smell so I've had to get creative
My dashing boy ready for church!
In SLC for our overnighter
Oh toddlers...
Directory to President Monson's office in SLC
Trying on the outfit my parents got Jayden from Hawaii. He wasn't in the mood for a fashion show.
Lunch time!
Hiking the Y!
Jayden hard at work at the Easter Egg Hunt
Helping momma make cookies. Love that apron :)
St. Patrick's Day cookies!
On the beach in San Diego
Jayden taking a turn at the wheel
My precious boy :)
Hanging out with mom on temple square at conference
The Provo City Temple under construction
Cute boy in the sand
Ate a whole apple while waiting for the family to get out of the conference center during general conference!
Found a new bread recipe that I ADORE
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