On May 21 my sweetheart Carter had to take off for his much anticipated trip to China where he'd be studying megastructures. This trip will enable him to finish his Masters degree in Structural Civil Engineering in just a year and so we decided it was a good investment. Plus it would teach him a lot about what he loved and wanted to do. We'd planned and saved for it before we became pregnant, and when we realized the due date and trip dates collided, we hoped that I'd come a little early so he could be at the birth. However, my body knew better and the 21st came and went without my going into labor. I was very sad to see Carter go, but trusted it was probably better for my little guy to bake some more. I had a lot of anxiety about how the birth and move would all work, but right before he left Carter gave me a powerful priesthood blessing. My heart was soothed and I knew everything would work out.
The last few weeks of my third trimester were the hardest for me physically and emotionally. I'd never gotten past 37 weeks with Jayden and so late pregnancy was a new experience. I was very tired all the time and struggled to walk, move, and really exist without hurting and feeling sick. But I was reminded to be grateful and that really helped. When I focused on how miraculous it was to be able to have a baby I was most happy.
After Carter left my angel mom came to stay with me and we spent the weekend trying to kill time while we waited for the baby's arrival. We tried to stay busy and prayed he'd come soon because we'd need to be out of our apartment by June 1. Luckily, we didn't have to wait too long.
Birth Story
On Monday night/Tuesday early morning my little Jayden was having a hard time. He'd been struggling for a couple weeks with all the changes occurring in our home and it affected his sleep. As I groggily went to help him for the fourth time that night I noticed a sharp tightening of my belly. I'd been having braxton hicks like nobody's business for weeks so I tried not to think about it because I didn't want to get excited. I hadn't progressed at all at my last doctors visit and I wasn't in the mood to get my hopes dashed again. I decided to bring Jayden to bed with me because he seemed to really need some momma time. He's the worst cuddler in the world and impossible to sleep with, but I'm so glad I had that time with him. It was our last night together where he was my baby and I will forever treasure it.
Eventually I took notice of the sharp tightenings that were coming every so often and I decided to begin timing. This happened around 5 or 6am, I can't remember exactly. I just made a mental note of each one and would glance at the clock. They were sharp enough to notice, but not sharp enough for me to need to work through them. Eventually by about 7:45 they increased in strength and were coming every 12 minutes. I told my mom I thought labor could be starting. I didn't want to get too excited because I'd had regular contractions before with nothing happening, but these felt different. They were more powerful and painful. I had an appointment that afternoon and so I decided I'd wait and see what happened.
By 9:30 the contractions were becoming very difficult and about 8-7 minutes apart. I needed to be in a squat and breath deeply to cope. I was still in denial about being in labor for real because I was scared of getting sent home from the hospital. I didn't think there was any way I'd need to go to the hospital before my afternoon appointment.
10am came around and my contractions increased in strength once again. By 10:30 they were coming every 6-5 minutes apart and I had my mom time them because I couldn't think very coherently through the pain. She and my sister suggested we go to the hospital but I was still too scared to go. Finally at about 10:50 I felt the baby move down with a contraction and my gag reflex was triggered so I knew these pains were the real deal. At this point they were 5 minutes apart and lasting for about 90 seconds.
My sister took Jayden to my aunt's house and mom and I drove to the hospital. During the 15 minute car ride the contractions came every 4 minutes. By the time we got out of the car, they came ever 3 minutes and I'd have to squat on the ground to cope with them. My mind blurred as I worked on breathing through and let my body open up. I focused on relaxing my muscles and working with what my body wanted to do. I kept praying for angels to help me. We got in the hospital and I was quickly admitted into a room where a nurse came to check me.
By this point the contractions were very intense. The nurse checked me and I was 5cm dilated and 100% effaced. YES!!! She asked if I wanted an epidural to which I replied with a HECK YA. Stick that happy juice in me baby because I was OVER IT. Kudos to my sisters who like to go natural, but I am a supporter of drugs and really looked forward to getting mine.
The nurse rang up the anastesiologist (aka the most wonderful man in the world) but he was busy and so I'd have to wait a few minutes. Well in those few minutes I progressed to a 7 and the contractions seemed to come nonstop. Though I know there were breaks, they didn't feel very long. By that point I was strapped to a bed which is the worst way to labor. My mom and sister applied counter pressure and I focused on breathing, but really I just prayed the drugs would come soon.
By about 11:50 the epidural man got there and instructed me on what to do, all the possible things I could experience, and where to sign. They gave me the pillow to hug and my mom held me while I struggled to stay still through a contraction so they could insert the epidural. The doctor gave me strong drugs that would kick in quickly because everyone could tell the baby was coming soon and things were about to get super intense.
The relief started to kick in a little after noon and boy was I in HEAVEN. By 12:20 the doctor came into break my water and right after, he said it was time to push because the baby was on his way out. I could feel the pressure but was still suprised that it was time already. After four contractions worth of pushing I felt my little boy slip out. He was beautiful and I was full of love. We decided to name him Jackson Alan Livingston.
I loved that the epidural took the sharpness out of the contractions but was low enough so I could still tell what was happening. Because it was only going for about 20-25 minutes before Jackson came, I was able to walk around just a couple hours after the birth. With this birth I didn't need many stitches and felt really good by the next day. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better birthing experience.
Jackson Alan Livingston was born at 12:35 and weighed 8lbs on the dot. He was declared perfectly healthy and very quickly placed in my arms where we snuggled and got to know each other. He was very alert, and didn't try sleeping until a couple hours after the birth. He nuzzled into me and I held him tight while he contemplated this new place. Eventually he started rooting around and was able to latch on right away. Jayden really struggled with nursing and so to have a baby take to it so easily was surprising. After a couple hours I went with the nurse to get him bathed. He was scrubbed up and then took a much needed nap. I felt overwhelmed with love for my baby and gratitude for his and my health.
We spent the rest of the evening and the next day resting and getting used to nursing and then on Thursday morning we were discharged from the hospital. Jackson newborn screening tests went really well and he was doing a great job eating and digesting. A lot of the things I stressed over with Jayden weren't issues and so I felt relatively calm when we left. Though tired and sore, I felt really good and relished my non pregnant body. I will take postpartum over pregnancy any day. The after birth cramping was far more intense this time around but that's to be expected and a healthy dose of breathing and painkillers took the edge off.
I could go on for years about how grateful I am to my mom and sister for helping me out. They were both there during the birth and provided a lot of emotional support. Though I missed Jayden I was comforted knowing that he was being well cared for by them. On Thursday they helped me scrub and move out of my apartment and then Friday morning after a visit with the pediatrician, my mom, Jackson, Jayden and I took off for California where we'd be for the summer.
Words cannot adequately describe my gratitude for my little Jackson. To participate so closely with God in the miracle of life is an honor I don't take for granted. I am humbled by our many blessings and really love my opportunity to be a mother. Family really is most important after all.
