2 Years In

Today was our anniversary. It was also the first day of finals week. So that means that our celebrations were limited to a "happy anniversary babe" in the morning and....yep, that's about it! We always eat dinner together, so luckily we were able to take some time to talk about our lovey dovey feelings, but as far as celebrating, today just wasn't a good day. Tomorrow we've set aside time to go out to dinner and possibly see some Christmas lights so I guess we're not completely lame :)

But despite our busy, basically ordinary day, I couldn't stop reflecting on my marriage thus far. Happily, these reflections left me feeling great, because honestly, I've been incredibly blessed in the whole marriage department.

I feel bad for admitting that, because I know many people struggle in their marriages. I don't want to wave my marriage around as something perfect, because it's not (nobody's is!). But I also don't want to pretend it's not wonderful, because it is. I believe in looking for the positive and acknowledging it. And so here I am, acknowledging it. Because I truly love my husband and I know he truly loves me. Through the thick and the thin I can count on him. And for that I am grateful. It was nice having a day to reflect on that :) Now back to studying!

My Reason for the Season

  I’m very excited for Christmas. The lights, treats, music and overall good cheer warm my soul. I love that for a month (or more if you’re like me! I kind of smudge Thanksgiving and Christmas into one big giant celebration) we all come together, remembering the most important things in life: family, friends, love, and peace.

 Today I was reading Jayden a story about a little girl who worked in the inn where Jesus was born. She led Joseph and Mary to the stable and after Mary had her sweet little Jesus, the little girl offered the Christ child her favorite blanket.

  The story was simple and sweet. It wasn't anything fancy or especially profound, but tears filled my eyes and my heart burst full of love and gratitude for my Savior. For those who don’t know much about why the Nativity is so important to many people, let me explain why it matters to me. Before I begin, know that I respect all belief systems. I'm grateful to learn from others and know that there's so much good in so many different ways of thinking. The following feelings are from my heart, and though its possibly foolish to put them on the Internet, I can't help but hope they'll touch someone. Or at least perpetuate my feeling of peace and good cheer! If you completely disagree with me, that's totally fine, we can still be friends and drink hot chocolate together. In fact, I insist that we be friends. 

  I believe the purpose of life is to come to Earth and show our Heavenly Father*** that despite the trials surrounding mortality, we will love Him. We want to show him that, above all else, we want to live with Him again someday with our families. I believe that everyone will get the opportunity to learn about our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and choose if they will follow and believe. Whether that opportunity comes in this life or the next, it will come.

  We lived with our Heavenly Father before in a Premortal world. We lived as a giant family where we learned and grew and developed a desire to become like our Heavenly Parents (yes, parents. My church believes in a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother). In order to do so, we would need to come to Earth and, in a world full of various trials and temptations, we’d need to choose to follow Heavenly Father.

  In this world, there’d be opportunities to learn and experience a lot of happiness. But there would also be opportunities to hurt inside, to be hurt by the poor choices of others, and to struggle with natural difficulties. We had to experience difficulties in order to show that no matter what, we would choose Heavenly Father.

  Heavenly Father knew that amidst this opposition, a lot of hearts would be broken. A lot of souls would ache for comfort. As we all would make mistakes, there had to be a way to remedy the damage. There had to be a way to grant us a clean slate so that we could try again. There had to be a way to heal the broken hearts and hurting souls.

  And so he provided a Savior. Our eldest Spiritual brother, Jesus Christ, was chosen to come down to Earth, live a perfect, sinless life, and then suffer in the Garden of Gethsemane for all of our sins, heart aches, and misfortunes. This is called the Atonement, and it is infinite and eternal. I don’t understand the natural mechanics of how that works. I cannot comprehend how Jesus Christ was able to suffer for each of our individual sins and heart aches. Maybe in a million eons I will understand, but for now I have faith that He did. In quiet moments, it has been revealed in my heart that He does know me personally. He knows my struggles, heart aches, and he understands me perfectly.

  Later, as Jesus suffered incredible physical pain on the Cross he died. Three days later he rose from the dead, overcoming physical death so that we all may live again. Death is not the end.

  Because He loves us, He suffered in the Garden, on the Cross, and He rose again. As we seek to build a personal relationship with Him by patterning our life after His we can find rest and peace.

Painting by Greg Olsen

  In this world of ours many people have suffered. It breaks my heart to think of all the atrocities that have happened, currently happen, and will happen. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with guilt because of how much I can’t do to fix it. I can serve, love and promote peace in my little area. But that’s it, and often I don’t feel like that’s enough.

  But blessedly, our Savior came down to Earth, born in a humble stable to a carpenter and a young girl. He came to live a perfect life, to teach the world His Father’s will, to suffer in the Garden and on the Cross and to be resurrected. All so we could trust that death is not the end, this world’s difficulties and trials are not all we have. Because He understands us, as we seek to come to Him, we can find peace. We can find love. Our hearts can be made whole. We can find heavenly help through our trials. He gave us a life pattern to follow, He showed us how to love and the way to peace.

“He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and aquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed” Isaiah 53: 3-5

  I know that because of him we can be healed from our hurts. Our mistakes can be made clean and we can be found sinless before God. We can live with our families forever in peace and harmony. This life can be very hard, but it is not the end. As we do our best, we can trust that all will be well.

  And so this is why I love Christmas, because no matter what horrible things are thrown in our way, we can trust that all will be made right. It’s a time to reflect on our Savior and focus on the love and peace He would have govern our lives. I am so grateful for Him. I know He lives. I know He knows each of us. And I know that each of us may come to know Him as we put forth the effort.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” Matthew 11: 28-30

   If you have any questions regarding what I’ve written feel free to explore this site. There are people there who will happily answer your questions if you don’t find what you’re looking for. Also, for a concise but comprehensive explanation of how members of the Church of Jesus Christ see Jesus Christ, read this. In the meantime…HAPPY THANKSGIVING/MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Painting by Greg Olsen

***link to my explanation of who Heavenly Father is

P.S. Some people have wondered what differentiates Jesus Christ from other fantastic world teachers. Why do we worship Christ when there are others who have taught great things about love, peace, and the way to best live life. Yes, there are many inspired, fantastic individuals who have graced our planet with truth and goodness (which I believe was inspired!) but what makes Christ different to Christians is His divinity as the literal, begotten Son of God. It is through His Atonement that we find salvation and eternal joy. Yes, He was a fantastic teacher, but to Christians He was so much more than that. He is the Savior of the world. And for that, I will love Him above all. 

Dream Lists

Throughout my life as I've done self evaluations on who I currently am and who I want to become I've established lists of things I want to do in my life. Some of these things may not happen, for all I know, I'll die tomorrow. But I figure if I'm always working toward something on the list, especially the things that are most important, I will have lived a wonderful life.

  I think it's important to, along with fulfilling family responsibilities, always be improving myself. I want to continue developing hobbies and learning new things. I think one of the purposes of life is to always be working on some sort of goal. It keeps things interesting and gives you something to think about. During some phases of life (such as when you're bone tired with a baby, have a house full of kids, or feel overwhelmed with work) you have to put some "dreams" on the back burner while you focus on more pressing things. But, I think they should always be there for you to return to. So, at the moment, here is my list of things I'd like to do. A lot of these things will take a lot of time and hard work, and I'm sure the list will be changed. But occasionally I like to go through it and dream about how I'm going to pull it all off...

-Fiercely love my husband every day. Choose to always love him. Become a wonderful wife. (Most important)

-Strive every day to be the mother the Lord wants me to be. And keep going when I fall short. (Most important)

-Create a happy, safe, welcoming, uplifting home for my family (most important)

-Truly know the scriptures and be able to teach from them

-Travel to many of the places I've read about and learn about the culture/customs of the area

-Take 2-3 days to explore the Smithsonians by myself. Last time I was there I was rushed through and wished I could've just sat and read all day. I'm one of those nerds who loves museums.

-Write a book about something. The thought terrifies me, but I'd love to try

-Become a brilliant garderner. Considering I've yet to keep a plant alive for longer than 2 months, this will be a miracle when it happens

-Learn to love early mornings and become an early bird. Again, this will be a miracle when it happens

-Read and study Shakespeare. Understand why he's so great

-Learn to love great literature and teach my children to appreciate it. Read to my kids a lot.

-Figure out why poetry is such a big deal to people

-Go on a humanitarian trip to a 3rd world country with my family. Learn about the cultures, customs, and traditions of the people and help my children see different ways of life.

-Develop and help my family develop a servant's heart by continually looking for ways to help in the world and community (most important)

-Serve a mission with my husband

-Set a fitness goal every year and accomplish it. Having a baby counts as a fitness goal for the year because it's an incredible physical undertaking :)

-Finish my bachelors degree (working on it) and possibly go back to school someday for a higher degree

-Go on a "honeymoon" every year with my husband. It doesn't have to be fancy or costly, but plan it together and make it work.

   Each of these things will take lots of planning, hard work, and possibly years to accomplish. I may not get to many of them until I'm old and gray (especially the "become an early morning person" goal). But luckily, life is long. I don't have to be everything or do everything right now. I want to live life to the fullest and I think that means making goals, coming up with plans to accomplish those goals, and then being flexible when life doesn't turn out how you planned. Because it never does, which is why it's so interesting.

Anyways, I just thought I'd share. If anybody ever reads this, I'd love to hear about some of your "bucket list" dreams.

Livingston Update

Here's a giant post about life currently so I can check off that "wrote in journal for posterity about our day to day life" box. And also, lets be honest, I like being able to go back and read about what we've been up to.

Carter is well into his last undergrad semester. His summer boss offered to let him continue working remotely from Provo, so he is also doing that. I'm amazed at how he juggles it all. Though he loves his classes, they are tough but somehow he's managed to get great grades, I'm so grateful for his hard work, he takes his responsibilities as a husband, father, student, and provider very seriously. And I can't express how much I appreciate it.

I am loving my classes. I'm taking one class that is taught by a very brilliant psychologist. She works with families and couples and has given us the opportunity to learn lots of theories and practices used by marriage and family therapists. As I've learned about these techniques, something deep within me has started to think seriously about someday becoming a therapist or a social worker. I don't know how, when, or if this will happen, but I can't get the idea out of my head. Maybe I'll fit it in someday, maybe I won't. Luckily life is long. But at the very least, I'm so grateful for what I'm learning and can apply it every day.

So...school is going well. I'm also loving being at home with Jayden. We have joined a little play group and go to story time at the library each week...(well, most weeks!) and it is so fun. I could spend hours in the library with him. The Provo library has the cutest children's section with lots of toys and things for little hands to explore. We hardly leave the place without a stack of books. And though Jay never sits still long enough to get through a story, I'd like to think that as I follow him around reading, he's at least halfway listening.

Carter was accepted into BYU's grad program for civil engineering. Yay!! So we'll be in Provo another year. The company he's currently working for wants him to continue working while he studies, so that's great. Again, I'm so glad that he makes it all work. That is such an incredible blessing.

I am well on my way to becoming a crazy couponer. With Carter heading off to grad school, in order to meet some financial goals, we've had to take a hard look at our budget and rearrange how we do some things. We are so blessed to have our needs taken care of---truly I can't express how grateful I am for that. But in order to make everything work we have to be diligent budgeters, and even though that can be hard, I'm learning so much. It takes so much discipline to stick to a plan, but I love how it's changing me. And I love seeing how the Lord makes everything work as we do our best. Because he truly does.

We had a big fall party for Jayden's birthday. A number of our friends came and we all enjoyed homemade soup, salad, apple cider, and giant rolls. It was a very autumny day and absolutely perfect. Jayden was spoiled silly by family and friends. I'm almost ashamed to say that I've never bought him a toy, only because he's been given so many by other people. What a lucky guy.

We were put on the committee for the ward Halloween party, and then a few days later I was sustained as our ward's new Relief Society President. So...yikes. But luckily the gospel is true so it's worth it. And our ward is so fun that we really love being involved.

For Halloween Jay was Superman, Carter was Clark Kent, and I was Lois Lane. And no I didn't get any pictures because I stink, our camera stinks, and our dumb phones don't take pictures very well. So sorry posterity. We went trick or treating down Center Street, had dinner with friends, and then watched a movie. It was so fun!

Ok I'm done now. But that's our current life!

Jayden's First Birthday

I wrote this on October 14 but forgot to post it....pictures are on the bottom for those not interested in reading my novel

One year ago I was having contractions. Nobody believed I could be in labor, I didn't even believe it. But I was, and Jayden was born the next day.

I can't believe it's been a year. Wow. We made it! For my records, I want to write a "snap shot" of how Jayden is right now. When my memories fade I want to to look back on this post and think "oh yeah, I remember that!". So this is Jayden, right now:

Since we came back to Utah he's struggled with sleeping through the night. Most of the time he can get himself back to sleep, but I'm currently worrying about what the problem might be.

He has four teeth, two on top (right one is crooked), two on bottom. They are so cute and light up his smile.

90% of the time he babbles to himself. He's a talker and we often have "conversations". I don't think he realizes that we can't understand him. Every day he seems to focus on a different "sound" and then he repeats it all day, with various inflections. My favorite is when he does a "j" and "g" sound mixture. It's kind of Chinese sounding and Carter and I love it.

Despite all the fun toys he has, he's obsessed with my lap top and phone. Whenever I try to do homework around him, he insists on climbing on my lap and touching the buttons. So I have to move my laptop around constantly, and then it becomes a game to him. He tries to get it, and I keep it away. Maybe it'd be fun, except usually I'm in the middle of an assignment and all the moving makes it hard to write. But oh well, that'll teach me to try and do homework while he's awake.

He takes two naps a day, one between 11 and noon and another short one at 3. Then he goes to bed at 8, and though I love having him up and at'em, I'm usually more than ready to tuck him in bed by this time.

He crawls really fast, but hesitates to take steps without holding on to something. He loves to crawl over to me while I'm working on something and stand by holding on to my legs while I stand. I love it.

Generally he doesn't have tantrums, and when he does flip out, he gets over it fairly quickly. But man oh man, once in a blue moon he'll just lose it. And it is not pretty.

He is the most curious little guy I've ever met. When I take him to the grocery store he just silently looks around in awe. He's never had a fit in the store (knock on wood) because it's so full of interesting things and people to look at. He puts EVERYTHING in his mouth and is guaranteed to have the best immune system ever. I try to vacuum regularly so nothing too nasty goes in, but once in a while I'll catch him sucking on a bug. Gross.

He loves people and is not wary of strangers at all. He'll play with anyone.

He does NOT cuddle. Not at all. Ever. Sometimes I take him out of his crib at night while he's sleeping, just to snuggle him. But when he's up, he's moving and refuses to sit still.

99% of the time, he never seems to get full. Holy cow that boy can EAT! Yet he's still so little. He's dropped from the 2nd to the 1st percentile. And I worry about it constantly.

He recently learned how to make his right hand into a pointer finger and thus points at everything, all the time. He laughs really hard when someone points back. Thank goodness it's not his middle finger.

When we tell him to clap he claps. I know that he recognizes a number of commands, but he doesn't exactly obey. Ok he never obeys.

He can say "ba ba" for bottle, "da da" for Carter and "ma ma" for me. It's precious.

Every day he goes around to all the cupboards he can get his hands on and he pulls everything out. It sure is fun...not. But at least he's cute.

I love my little boy so much and am so grateful to be his momma. There's no better job for me! Happy Birthday sweet baby. Quit growing up so fast.

Eventually I'll get pics up from his birthday party, but for now here are some of my favorites from our family photo shoot.

I'll love you forever my little itty-bitty :) Happy first birthday

Summer Fun

Hello Cyberspace! Well summer is over and what an awesome summer it was. Being in California was so much fun! We loved being by family and all the opportunities that afforded. Carter had an awesome job with a great company and has a great chance of working for them after he finishes a Masters. So we're happy and feeling incredibly blessed.

I didn't take nearly as many pictures as I should've; I really do need to be better at capturing the moment, but here's what I do have.

Sleepy boy...I sure love him! 

So who knows how to make this right side up? Shoot. Well this is the South Jordan Temple

On temple grounds

Getting ready for Wake Island with the guys!

So many wakeboards!

Just a boy and his boards. 

Ok...I just need to kiss those little cheeks.

 Wake Island was so fun, but man its intimidating riding with all of these talented guys!

Precious

Look at that cute little boy

Let's take a closer look. 

"Oh hey mom"

AHHH HOW DO I MAKE THESE PICTURES RIGHT SIDE UP! But he's so darling. Just tilt your head dear reader

:)

When Jayden cuddled with Carter on a walk. This child NEVER cuddles. 

Well, obviously I'm having some technical difficulties. But I've got to rush and currently don't have a minute to troubleshoot. Oh well. We had a great summer but love being back in Utah. Life is good!

21st Birthday Bash

Yesterday was my birthday and it was fantastic! The best part was Carter getting the day off of work so he could be with me all day. He spoils me silly and is so fun to be around. For my birthday I wanted to be with both my families on Lake Combie. So in the morning, Carter, Jayden and I went to the grocery store to get things ready for a shishkabob barbecue on the lake. Then we headed over to hang out with Carter's family and some friends on the water. We spent the day swimming and watching all the cute kids "do their thang" on the wake board and tubes. Then in the evening my family showed up and we all played on the water and had dinner. Another family with the cutest four little boys joined in for the day's festivities. I had so much fun and was so grateful for all the people who made my day special. I've got such a great life!

Party at "The Point"! We got a bunch of IBC Root Beers since I'm finally legal

Cute little mancub

This little boy SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! I feel like a new woman. He gets hot easily so lately he's been sleeping in his diaper :) 

The roses Carter brought me for my birthday

Little man learning how to drive the boat :) Trying to be just like his Daddy!

At my favorite place with my favorite people. Look at that perfect water! 

Oh dear, my facial expression is not very cute...but that's ok because Jayden's is! This was his first tube ride and he got a little nervous 

I sure love watching him wake board!

Tantrum...nailed it!

Blurry, but I liked the sky colors

Another blurry pic of everyone enjoying their IBC Root Beer

This is how we party! I love those little water polo players in front...so cute!

Running Gear for my birthday :) All set for the marathon!