Married Friends...

 A couple weeks ago we moved to California for the summer and it's been great. I'll post details another time because for now I'm feeling engulfed by gratitude and I need to write about it.

 I love my life. I have LOVED the time Carter and I have spent as young married students, especially since we've gotten to be in Provo. Provo is definitely not my favorite place, but it does have some of my favorite people. We've had the opportunity to be in a young married student ward (a ward is the congregation you meet with for church based off of where you live) and we have developed some wonderful friendships. We're all young, poor students trying to figure out this whole being a married adult thing, and it really brings us together. Almost every weekend we'd end up either hiking, playing card games, making a meal or just talking for hours with at least one other couple. Sometimes we'd get fancy and go to dinner or the dollar theater (that's right, movie tickets are only ONE dollar).

 Our ward had lots of fun activities that we'd all put on. One friend did a monthly craft night, another headed up the book club, I lead weekly aerobics and then every now and then a group would put together a dinner party or something. Just a month ago all of us girls dropped off our unwanted clothes at the church house and then we all "shopped" for each other's stuff. Once, all the guys had a "games and steak" night where they played video games and ate over $150 worth of steak. I felt a little jealous and left out so I invited all the wives to come over to my place and we ate chocolate and talked about our feelings. It was really fun!

 Carter and I have gotten really close to some of the couples and decided we all need to stay in touch and go on trips together someday when we're all old and established. But in the mean time, I'm so grateful for this stage of life and the people we've met. We've shared a lot of laughs and fellowship with some amazing people. Although I am LOVING every minute we get to spend here in California, it'll be fun to go back to the "young and married" scene in Provo at the end of the summer.

 In the mean time, we're soaking up the sun and hoping to earn a lot of money and wakeboard as much as we can! I'm a real dummy and almost never took pictures of the stuff we'd do with our friends, but here are a couple. I wish I had thought to take pictures of all the people we love!

One of our favorite couples ever! We love these guys and always have a good time with them. 

A baby shower I hosted for my friend just a month ago. She's due any day! 

A Perfect Panini: the Sixth Love Language

 When Carter and I were engaged we read Gary Chapman's "What I Wish I had Known Before I got Married" and within it was a recap of his famous "love languages". We took the test to discover what our "language" was and discussed our results. Mine was a toss up between words of affirmation and physical touch and Carter's was acts of service and physical touch. Carter felt comfortable with his results but I questioned mine. Don't get me wrong, I am a SUCKER for genuine compliments---tell me why you love me and I'm all yours. But the truth is, I like all the other languages too. I'm multilingual. Now you're probably thinking--well that's great! She'll be pleased with anything! But the kicker is that, yes all the languages work for me, but only at various times. Sometimes, a couple flowers would make my day, and other times I really need a hand with the housework, and sometimes I would most appreciate an hour of quality time. Basically, I'm an unpredictable mess.

 Now I PROMISE I recognize that this is unreasonable--I do NOT expect anyone (especially my husband) to cater to whatever my current love language is. That would just be silly. There's no way to predict them. So I signed myself as a hopeless case and moved on. Until I found a language that seems to always do the trick.

 Carter is many things: handsome, kind, hard working, patient...he's also a total sandwich snob. No simple sandwiches for that guy. I used to think a sandwich was merely putting a few tasties in between bread, but apparently its much more than that, in fact there's a whole art to it. He never complains about whatever lame sandwich I make him, but over our year+ of marriage I've noticed that when he makes himself a sandwich its always a very carefully executed masterpiece. One day, after incorporating some tricks introduced to us by friends, Carter created what would immediately become my ever reliable sixth love language. The perfect panini. A cheesy, delicious, crispy, full of flavor panini,. Mmmmm mmm mmmm that language always conveys love and appreciation. We've since become panini maniacs and usually eat at least three a week. They've become such a significant part of our lives that I felt like I needed to share some pictures so our posterity would know why the little $8 DI george forman grill comes up so often in my journal entries. So here posterity: this is what the hubbub is all about. And if you're ever feeling like none of the love languages consistently apply to you, put together one of these puppies and remember me :)

cheese, turkey, lettuce, tomato, avacodo, and caesar dressing in between sour dough bread...mmmmm

From Cougar to Viking: A Change in School Plans

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. I love children, their innate goodness and purity is such a light. Deep in my heart is a yearning to care for, nurture, teach, and strengthen them. I was that little girl who played house and loved on her baby dolls. Once in high school when I met with an academic advisor he asked me about my post grad plans. I told him I planned to attend and graduate from college, but ultimately I wanted my career to be in the home as a mother. He laughed and said he was sure my plans would change when I found my niche. Well, they haven't changed. I'm blessed to have a husband who fully supports and encourages me in this desire. We've decided that as long as we can swing it economically, I would stay home.

 When Jayden was born I still had about 2.5 semesters of school before I could graduate. Carter and I worked out our class schedules so one of us could be with him while the other went to class. On paper it looked like everything would work out, but deep down I had many misgivings. I worried about being able to balance school, mothering, and my marriage. I desperately hoped that I'd be able to give each its due energy, but when the semester started I knew that I wouldn't. Some women can and I so admire and applaud that, but I couldn't. After many prayers, and a powerful priesthood blessing I decided to withdraw from my semester with the faith that somehow, someway I would be able to finish my education without neglecting my family.

 This was a difficult decision, and though I knew I made the right choice, I felt sad. I'd always worked hard at school and made finishing at least a bachelors degree an important goal in my life. I wanted both the personal growth and professional qualifications that come from pursuing higher education. I know that having your degree isn't the end all be all for a happy, productive life, but it was an important goal to me, and I was upset I couldn't do everything right now. So I began focusing on getting various certifications to become a fitness instructor. If I couldn't pursue my degree, at least I could have that to stretch my brain.

 After a while I began researching various online degree programs. None seemed to fit my situation until I came across a program through BYU-Idaho. I sent in an application and was eventually accepted! I am now set to start as a full time online student beginning April 22. I've decided to take only 9-12 credits at a time so that I can balance everything, but I'll still get done eventually! I'm so grateful for the opportunity and can't wait to get started.

 I know that every woman is different; some choose to never finish their degree--they don't need it to do the good that they do. And some spend many years collecting a number of degrees and then use them to also bring about a lot of good. We're all unique, with our own stories. I hope that anybody reading this (if anybody does read this!) who went about their education differently from me doesn't feel like I'm saying there's one right way. Because there isn't. I just know what's right for me, so I'm taking life by it's horns and getten'r'done. And I'm so grateful for the opportunity to do so!

Love hanging out with this sweet boy each day...somebody loves their sweet potatoes

Discovering a kitty

Muddling Through Sleepless Nights

 I've been struggling lately. Jayden has never been a good sleeper. He is almost six months old and still wakes up 4-7 times during the night. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes I have researched and tried various sleep training methods. I personally feel that the modified cry it out method would be best, but our upstairs neighbors can hear Jayden during the night so I feel bad letting him scream for very long. No one wants to listen to their own kid scream at 3 am, let alone somebody's elses. He's mostly good about going to bed at night because I put him down around the same time and have established a fairly consistent routine. I moved him out of our bedroom and into the family room with the hopes that he wouldn't be disturbed by our movements, but no luck. I know not to feed him every time he wakes up so he's not dependent on drinking to fall asleep. He just wakes up so easily, doesn't know how to go back to sleep on his own, and then gets very angry because he's awake. In a couple weeks we'll be in California for the summer, and I'll be able to really sleep train; but in the mean time I'm going slightly insane.

 I love my little boy. I love him in a way that I can't explain. But I honestly can't remember the last time I got more then 2.5 straight hours of sleep and I'm starting to lose it. Monday night was especially bad. I needed to get up at 5 to teach a work out class, but ended up not getting to bed until about 11. In the six hours that I slept, Jayden woke up 5 times, and he didn't just wake up, he woke up screaming with all the energy his little 13 pound body could muster. I had no idea what was wrong and was so tired that it was a struggle to be patient. I thought back to what I'd eaten to see if there was anything that might have upset his tummy, but couldn't pin point anything. Carter also woke up to help, but even though he tried to take over so I could sleep, my body was so alert to the cries of my baby that I couldn't relax. It was a difficult night to say the least. 

 The next morning I taught a hard work out class and then had to take a very important test online. Right before I was scheduled to take my test, I learned that the proctoring company wouldn't be able to administer the test because of the network I was using. I know that's not a big deal; but I'd been preparing for months and was super ready to get it over with. To spend an hour on the phone with tech support only to reschedule was very frustrating. Then when I went home I had a sink full of dishes, about 3,459 loads of laundry to do, and a baby who was once again screaming like a banshee. I know none of these things are very hard trials; really my life is incredibly great. But after months of not sleeping well I've gone a little loopy and mere molehills seem like insurmountable mountains.

 Anyways, I was officially over it and asked Carter to come home early so we could tag team the crazy baby. He did, and suddenly things were about 10 times easier. Just having him around lightens whatever tizzy I'm in. He took over while I sat on the couch and cried. Then I prayed. Sometimes when I pray too casually, without any focus, I struggle to make a connection with God. But that was not the case this time; something about being at my wits end helped me reach out with all that I had. I didn't see an angel, or a burning bush, or even feel any sort of overwhelming feeling. I simply felt peace. I felt an increase of love in my heart for my precious baby and sweet husband. I was reminded of how important my role in Jayden's life is, and that even if no one notices the little things I do, God does, and he smiles.

 I have many role models in my life, people who've worked hard to accomplish great things. But the role models I admire most are a few kind, good woman who have spent their life selflessly nurturing others. Some have children of their own, some don't. But each quietly go out of their way to be good to and love on other people, especially the rising generation. Merely being in their presence makes you want to be a better person. I can only imagine how many "sleepless nights full of screaming babies" they've had to wade through to get where they are; but as I've seen the end result I've decided that it must have been worth it. So here's to muddling through life's little difficulties with the hope that in the end we'll all be better people.

It's no fun being up a lot..but smiles like these make it easier! 

Napping off a long night 

:)

The flowers Carter brought home for me :)