Muddling Through Sleepless Nights

 I've been struggling lately. Jayden has never been a good sleeper. He is almost six months old and still wakes up 4-7 times during the night. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes I have researched and tried various sleep training methods. I personally feel that the modified cry it out method would be best, but our upstairs neighbors can hear Jayden during the night so I feel bad letting him scream for very long. No one wants to listen to their own kid scream at 3 am, let alone somebody's elses. He's mostly good about going to bed at night because I put him down around the same time and have established a fairly consistent routine. I moved him out of our bedroom and into the family room with the hopes that he wouldn't be disturbed by our movements, but no luck. I know not to feed him every time he wakes up so he's not dependent on drinking to fall asleep. He just wakes up so easily, doesn't know how to go back to sleep on his own, and then gets very angry because he's awake. In a couple weeks we'll be in California for the summer, and I'll be able to really sleep train; but in the mean time I'm going slightly insane.

 I love my little boy. I love him in a way that I can't explain. But I honestly can't remember the last time I got more then 2.5 straight hours of sleep and I'm starting to lose it. Monday night was especially bad. I needed to get up at 5 to teach a work out class, but ended up not getting to bed until about 11. In the six hours that I slept, Jayden woke up 5 times, and he didn't just wake up, he woke up screaming with all the energy his little 13 pound body could muster. I had no idea what was wrong and was so tired that it was a struggle to be patient. I thought back to what I'd eaten to see if there was anything that might have upset his tummy, but couldn't pin point anything. Carter also woke up to help, but even though he tried to take over so I could sleep, my body was so alert to the cries of my baby that I couldn't relax. It was a difficult night to say the least. 

 The next morning I taught a hard work out class and then had to take a very important test online. Right before I was scheduled to take my test, I learned that the proctoring company wouldn't be able to administer the test because of the network I was using. I know that's not a big deal; but I'd been preparing for months and was super ready to get it over with. To spend an hour on the phone with tech support only to reschedule was very frustrating. Then when I went home I had a sink full of dishes, about 3,459 loads of laundry to do, and a baby who was once again screaming like a banshee. I know none of these things are very hard trials; really my life is incredibly great. But after months of not sleeping well I've gone a little loopy and mere molehills seem like insurmountable mountains.

 Anyways, I was officially over it and asked Carter to come home early so we could tag team the crazy baby. He did, and suddenly things were about 10 times easier. Just having him around lightens whatever tizzy I'm in. He took over while I sat on the couch and cried. Then I prayed. Sometimes when I pray too casually, without any focus, I struggle to make a connection with God. But that was not the case this time; something about being at my wits end helped me reach out with all that I had. I didn't see an angel, or a burning bush, or even feel any sort of overwhelming feeling. I simply felt peace. I felt an increase of love in my heart for my precious baby and sweet husband. I was reminded of how important my role in Jayden's life is, and that even if no one notices the little things I do, God does, and he smiles.

 I have many role models in my life, people who've worked hard to accomplish great things. But the role models I admire most are a few kind, good woman who have spent their life selflessly nurturing others. Some have children of their own, some don't. But each quietly go out of their way to be good to and love on other people, especially the rising generation. Merely being in their presence makes you want to be a better person. I can only imagine how many "sleepless nights full of screaming babies" they've had to wade through to get where they are; but as I've seen the end result I've decided that it must have been worth it. So here's to muddling through life's little difficulties with the hope that in the end we'll all be better people.

It's no fun being up a lot..but smiles like these make it easier! 

Napping off a long night 

:)

The flowers Carter brought home for me :)