Lake Fun and Baby Pictures

Happy almost 4th of July! We're here in Provo enjoying/enduring the +100' weather. Its crazy to think that just a few months ago it was consistently -0'. We regularly (sneak) go over to the local student housing apartments to use their pool; thus far we've been able blend in with the students who actually live there, but with my growing belly we've started to get a few raised eye brows. In our defense tho...throughout the entire time we lived there it was too cold to use the pool. So we're just making up for what we missed out on...right? ummm...

Last weekend we hung out with cousins who were on their way to Lake Powell. My uncle had just got a sweet new ski boat and took us for an early morning run on Utah Lake. I haven't skied since I was about 11 so I opted out but Carter had fun. Then last weekend we headed up to Blackfoot Idaho to see my Grandparents. We got to wake board on American Falls on Saturday afternoon behind a Malibu Wakesetter....needless to say, Carter was in heaven. The temperature was perfect and there wasn't a boat in sight. We had so much fun!

Seeing my grandparents was great. They really spoiled and loved on us. They are just such good people; a very inspiring and hard working couple. Every time I'm with them I want to be a better person. They've definitely left all 50+ of their grand kids a legacy to live up to (I've lost track of how many great grand kids we're up to, but when Carter joined the fam he was number 118).

My studly husband!

Yesterday, as I was puttering around the house, getting stuff done, I felt a lot of pain and pressure in my lower abdomen. I think my baby is in the midst of a growth spurt because these past couple weeks have been pretty uncomfortable---nothing awful, but just constant and annoying. I'll go walk for about 45 minutes and then have to waddle home because I feel so cramped up. Well, I decided to call the doctor, just to see if I should worry about it. He told me to come in for a couple tests, so I did but everything looked good. Just to make sure though, they bumped my ultrasound up to Wednesday. I was super excited---I hadn't planned on knowing the gender until July 18!

This morning we went in and got to watch our baby on the ultrasound. Its a BOY! I was right about him being a crazy active baby; he would NOT hold still for the camera. Except he didn't ever move his head---that was nuzzled very low inside me, which is why the doc thinks I've been feeling so much pressure. It's as if he's trying to poke his head out, but the rest of his body goes all over the place. Our poor ultrasound tech had to work extra hard to get images of him. He's a stubborn little guy! He was kicking really hard at the ultrasound wand as if he was trying to play. When we saw his little face my heart melted. He was sucking on his fingers and then sticking out his tongue and smiling. I can't believe there's a real person inside of me.

 To be honest, I'm nervous about raising a boy---I helped my mom a lot with my little sisters but I was too young to do anything but tease my little brothers. I guess it'll work out though. Carter's overjoyed and is already planning the baby's first wake board run. I'm happy Carter gets a little man cub to be buds with because he's definitely had to deal with a lot of estrogen lately...poor guy.

But anyways, I love my little boy and am so excited to meet him. We're just so blessed with how everything's worked out. I know a lot of people dream of having children and then really struggle, so I hope everyone knows that I don't take this responsibility lightly. Despite all my complaining (I apologize for my first preggo post, I'm a little embarrassed about all my whining) I know that the ability to have a child is a miraculous gift. I am just so grateful!

Second Trimester and Beautiful Vistas

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”

― Gordon B. Hinckley

A Beautiful Vista

This is my favorite quote of the week. My life is very very consistently wonderful---but not because its a big party where everything goes right. One of the lessons I'm beginning to learn is that life is great not because of a lack of problems, but because of the many lessons to be learned and the relationships to be had.

Speaking of really great things, I'm officially 20 weeks along and HALFWAY THERE!! I've been singing Bon Jovi's Livin' On a Prayer all day. My exhaustion levels have upgraded from barely twitching zombie to slightly-faster-than-normal sloth. I'm not back to usual but at least I can think about more than when I get to sleep again. This makes school, work, and keeping up with the house soooo much easier.

But the best news is...I LIKE FOOD AGAIN! Halllelllujahhhh!! I haven't been nauseous in over a week and actually enjoy cooking. I've especially enjoyed and wanted fresh foods---such a relief considering how before, looking at a salad could put me in fetal position (kidding...kind of). Maybe this is because my body was beginning to worry about my baby's chemical make up coming primarily from sour gummy worms and pot stickers. The only foods I really don't like are, surprisingly, desserts. This is the first time in my existence that I have not liked sweet things. I've always had to fight with my sweet tooth, and so while its nice to actually want the cucumber over a cookie, I kind of feel like a part of myself is missing. But lets be honest, it'll be back soon :)

As far as cravings go, besides my borderline disturbing love of California's Taco Tree nachos, I have found myself always wanting potatoes. Mashed, baked, whatever, I want them. And as mentioned in a previous post, I won't say no to red meat. Steak...mmmm...Oh and water is always good. Despite my drinking 1.5 oceans a day I STILL feel thirsty.

The only things not so fabulous are just those that come with normal pregnancy. Braxton's are super rude and can sneak up on me in really awkward situations (talking to someone, and suddenly my tummy hardens and squeezes, contorting my face into a constipated-esque grimace). I don't sleep well at night, between the leg cramps and bathroom breaks I'm up, at best, every two hours. Poor Carter has finally gotten used to it...except for when I scream at him at 2 am to come kill a nasty, huge spider by the toilet.

Then there's growing pains. I can tell that this baby is growing a lot because one week I looked fairly normal and the next I was definitely pregnant. And ever since, I've just grown and grown. The ligaments are stretching and my innards are moving! This has made exercise awkward. I don't run anymore because it hurts too bad. My joints ache and I cramp up constantly so I'm calling it quits, at least until this current growth spurt calms down a little. Luckily I've found gentler ways to work out, so I'm not insane yet, but I definitely miss my morning runs. Totally worth it though.

But of course none of this matters because I can consistently feel my baby moving! I love knowing that he/she's actually inside of me all safe, warm, and happily playing. I can't wait until Carter will be able to feel! This is all just so fun!

But anyways, that's enough pregnancy talk. I'm really grateful for this baby and can't wait to meet it. We find out the gender in a month so stay tuned!!

Awesome Dads

In honor of Father's Day weekend I wanted to take a moment and publicly thank all the awesome men in my life. I'm one of those really blessed people to have been raised and surrounded by honorable, fun, strong, kind, loving, brave, and hardworking men. Some of these men have kids of their own and some don't, but each has made an impact in my life.

There are two guys that I especially want to shout out to. First, my own dad. My dad is wonderful. In a million little ways he lets each of his six children know that they are important to him. He's always been my superhero and is still one of my favorite people to share exciting news with. His generosity and hard work are an example to me of what it means to be a "provider". As I grew up, watching how he honored, loved, respected, and cherished my mom taught me how to expect to be treated by a good man. He helped me value my womanhood by holding women in high esteem. I also appreciate all that he taught me, whether it was in a car ride to the store or in FHE, he passed down a lot of wisdom. I may not have seemed interested at the time, but I am so grateful for the time he took  to teach me; so much of who I am has come from those little moments.

My dad with Dallan, Chancey, and I after we climbed the Y

 Next, I wanted to thank my husband. Naturally, I'm crazy about him, and not just because he's ridiculously good looking. 2.5 months into marriage, I told my husband that I was pregnant (I had gotten a blood test and found out I was 4 weeks along). Obviously, we were both more than a little surprised, but instead of being worried about how everything was going to work, he expressed nothing but excitement, love, and gratitude to God. Not once throughout my pregnancy has he been the slightest bit annoyed with my limited capacity to do what I used to. As I've struggled with nausea, fatigue, etc he has always comforted and loved on me, reminding me that I am "turning food into a baby" and have every right to feel exhausted. He has incredible faith that everything will work out, and works harder than anyone that I know. Seriously, this guy is a MAN. I am so grateful for how he has magnified his role as a "father" by taking care of me and everything that we'll need for our baby. I could go on for days about how much I've grown to love and respect him, but this post is already long. Basically, I love my husband and cannot imagine life without him.

Our wedding day 

Last Weekend

  Last Thursday I met up with my Mom and little sisters Lizi and Annie in SLC to spend the day at the This is the Place Monument: Pioneer Village. I've always been a sucker for "olden day" stuff and so the prospect of spending a day looking at a model of an 1800s town sounded more than appealing. I'd been asking Carter if we could go, especially since its currently the baby animal season (that's right, they let you pet their baby goats) but for some reason he seemed slightly hesitant. Needless to say, he didn't seem too beat up about having to work while we enjoyed the village. 

Annie and Lizi petting baby goats

  After the village my mom treated us girls to pedicures and then she went on her way to Park City to spend the weekend with her mom and sisters. Carter and I took Lizi and Annie to dinner and then went home. On Friday I had work, and Lizi and Annie wanted to join me, so they hung out in the library while I waited for patrons to come check out DVDs. Afterwards we went for a run (more like a walk with hopping in it, my pace can sometimes beat a snail's) and then went home. We made lunch, talked, laughed, watched silly you tube videos and then I took my 2pm nap. When I woke up from my coma we went to get our cousin Abby for a cousin sleep over.

   Carter and I took the girls to pizza and we all bet on how many slices we thought Carter would eat (for the record, he ate 8) and then went to the Nickel Arcade. Carter and I challenged the girls to see who could win the most tickets but then we lost because we were too busy trying to beat each other at the fun games that don't give tickets while they hit up all the jackpot machines. If I ever go to Vegas, I'm bringing one of them, because they seem to have the best luck with winning jackpots.

  With their earnings they "bought" mustaches and then wore them to 7/11 where we got 50 cent slurpees and a Red Box movie. I actually did take a picture of Abby and the twins with their 'staches in 7/11 but being the technological nematode that I am, I deleted them. So in your minds eye picture 3 cute girls with mustaches and slurpies.

  On Saturday we took them to the mall for some shopping and then met up with my mom, who had finished up with her sisters. Sunday we went to church, made a yummy dinner, took a walk, talked/laughed, and then said our goodbyes as they'd all be leaving Monday morning.

  On Monday, Carter and I got some work done, cleaned the house, exercised, grocery shopped, and then went for a hike with some friends to the natural hot springs in Spanish Fork. We had a TON of fun being out in the woods and have planned a few more hikes and camping trips for the near future. I had some awesome pics but they got deleted as well...so picture a super hot, tan guy holding hands with an almost not teenage girl (who looks maybe pregnant or maybe like she had four dozen donuts) next to a cute couple in front of an awesome waterfall.

  Being with family and friends is the best. My little sisters (well all my siblings) are cooler then cool and always bring lots of laughs. And of course, my mom is the most wonderful lady I know and is fun to be around. As usual...life is good.

Funny Pictures and Baby Flutters

First off these are funny

Particularly significant to my family. Sorry if this offends; adoption really is wonderful.

Love this.

I am so excited! I was sitting on my bed studying for a test that I have to take in a few hours when I started poking my stomach. Perhaps it was rude of me to jab at the baby's comfy home but I thought I'd see if I could get him/her dancing, even though I doubted I would feel it. I'm 16 weeks along and have heard of women feeling their babies at this point, but I've also been told that first timers usually don't recognize movements until they're about 19-22 weeks. Anyways, after a few seconds of poking I waited. All of the sudden, tiny flutter whooshing pops tickled my insides!

As a first trimester veteran I feel like I've become an expert with what gas feels like (sorry to gross anyone out) and I can tell you that this was NOT intestinal technical difficulties. I won't go into details on how I know that, but it wasn't. Obviously after I felt the first flutter kick I thought I'd try to coax some more so I started jabbing again. Sure enough, a few seconds later I felt it again. Since then (its been like 15 minutes since the first flutter) I've called Carter, texted my sisters and dad, and am now putting it on the internet. Excited much? Yes I am. I have felt it a few more times and am in HEAVEN! Its so cool to think there's a real mini person in there! I'm hoping that this first interaction of me poking it and it kicking me back isn't indicative of our future relationship, but if so oh well. Needless to say, it will be a while before I get back to studying.

The Ugly Side of "Skinny"

Today I listened as five girls shared the story of their ongoing battle with eating disorders. In every class that I've taken for my major we spend some time studying these brutal mental diseases; their prevalence in our society is astounding and disheartening. Each time I hear the story of a stranger, friend, or relative I feel such a hollowness. What are we doing to our kids?

Of course disordered eating isn't new. In as early as the 13th century we have record of individuals (a lot of women) who would practice starvation and other forms of self deprivation in an attempt to purge their souls of all unholiness. They felt more acceptable to God if they denied themselves food, love, warmth, and any sort of comfort. One women, after feeling revulsion towards the smell of pus on a patient she was tending, felt so angry with herself for being bothered by it that she drank a whole bottle's worth to prove that she could put "mind over matter". So sad.

 From examples like these and many others we see that eating disorders are really a psychological problem. Its a way to gain "control" and deal with deep emotional hardships. Telling a bulimic to "cut it out" is not helpful. These poor people (women AND men) need professional help. They need to know they're loved and deserve to love themselves. But what do we do to help prevent the problem from developing in the first place? As I've thought about it I've come to a few conclusions:

 As much as I'd like to change the fashion industry's adoration of unhealthily skinny girls, at this point in life my ranting and raving will not do much. But...I can change my own perspective. I can choose to not adore any one body type, but rather promote the nurturing of all. In all the stories I've heard from victims of an eating disorder, it wasn't the pressure from fashion industries that eventually got to them. Of course that was there and didn't help things, but rather it was the pressure of home life that really hurt. Maybe their parents divorced, maybe a family member died, maybe their parents or other family  members slyly teased them about their weight, or perhaps they felt such a pressure to be "perfect" that they decided they needed to control their body. Honestly, the biggest one that stood out to me was the hundreds of little seeds planted in a child's brain by their parents. Perhaps their mom always commented on how fat so and so was or perhaps their dad questioned whether a bowl of ice cream with friends would be good for their figure. Overall, the attitudes of the parents towards "fat" people influenced them and gave them a fear of gaining weight.

 Whatever it is that brought about the disease, it seems pretty apparent that more can be done in the home to protect our kids. I'm not blaming parents for their children's eating disorders---everyone is different and sometimes things happen beyond our control. BUT there is more we can do to help.

  When I think about the precious baby growing inside of me, it hurts to think that someday he or she might dislike the amazing body he/she is now developing. I love this child more than I can explain and I want him/her to always know how special he/she is. So, as a mother I will...

1) Never tease about anyone's body. I will not comment on anyone's size. I don't want a subconscious seed of worry to be planted in my child's brain that perhaps if they looked like the person I was teasing, I'd make fun of them too. I will show by example that someone's worth is NOT dependent upon their body type

2) I will not praise my child for their body type. I will not tell my teenage daughter that I like that she's "skinny or thin" or "curvy and full figured" because what if in a few years she wasn't. I will not base my children's beauty upon the shape of their body.

3) I will promote a respect for the body but not an obsession over it. My family will enjoy healthy meals, and by example I will show them the good that comes from staying physically active; but we will go to no extremes. We will have pizza and ice cream nights and I will not compromise important things for my work out time. I want my kids to enjoy being active and eating right, but not obsess over it.

4) I will teach my kids from a young age that dieting is NOT good for children and really (in my opinion) not very good for adults. A healthy lifestyle is key, not cutting out food groups.

5) I will not talk negatively about my body. Especially in front of my kids.

6) I will teach my kids to serve, love, learn, work, and play. A life full of these things is what makes life great---not a size 0 body

Sound crazy? I don't think so. I wish someday to live in a world where we don't focus on our shape. Even if it doesn't necessarily lead to disordered eating in my own children, by not doing the above things I will plant seeds that one body type is better than the other. Then, perhaps my children will be the source of worry to someone who later develops the disease. The problem will be perpetuated unless people take an active stance against it. As was said in a recent study, its ridiculous how America, the most diet crazed, body obsessed country, is also the "fattest". Perhaps if we stepped back, had a little patience with ourselves, committed to reasonable, healthy living, and then forgot about it (taking time to enjoy the more important parts of life) the obesity epidemic and eating disorder problem would die down. Just a thought.

What if everyone had a family who loved unconditionally, supported, uplifted, and taught where true worth came from? How loud would negative messages from "school, media, fashion, and peers" be? 

**For those who do have children who are at an unhealthy weight (over or under) can I just get on my soap box one more time? DON'T NAG THEM ABOUT IT! They know. Yes, they know, they're smart enough to realize that their not the "ideal" (which is so dumb). The best thing you can do is A: understand that children are on their own growing curve. Some bodies like to be big, some like to be small. Really this curve isn't in their control so don't make them feel bad about it. It is HARDLY EVER good for a child to try and lose weight. Unless your doctor specifically recommends it, don't try...rather B: promote healthy living in your household. So Jessie has jumped from the 70th percentile to the 95th? Well how is Jessie getting her food? Who is buying Jessie all her computer games and letting her watch TV. If it really bothers you, perhaps the whole family needs to make a change. Declare a no TV month (WHATTT????). Go for a family hike. Quit making or buying desserts and go for healthy smoothies instead. The key is not to isolate Jessie as the "fatty of the family", how will that make her feel? That's just going to send her to the internet with tears in her eyes as she learns how to try some crazy bad diet or to the freezer for a carton of ice cream because ice cream doesn't insult her. That is NOT what you want.  Often times, if healthy eating and regular activity are a normal part of life, unnecessary pounds burn themselves.And in the end, so what if you have a large child? Large kids are just as good as small ones. Stop stressing and make sure your child knows they are loved regardless.

For those struggling with an eating disorder or know someone who is, help is available. Visit: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

Stress and Smells

Back aches, head aches, joint aches, ache aches, heart burn, using the bathroom every 20.7 minutes, weird eating habits, and more. Just a list of what I've heard to be some of the most common pregnancy quirks. It seems that their being annoying comes from the fact that they're almost constant rather than unbearable. Good thing babies are so darn wonderful.

For me, the constant and occasionally exasperating reminder of a cute bun in the oven is my dog like sense of smell.

my thoughts exactly

Italian food, my husband's soaps, bread baking (so sad), brownies, fish, and so much more nearly topple me over the edge with their nausea inducing power. One Sunday night with hardly any food in the house (grocery stores smell weird too) my husband fried up some old fish and added onion and garlic. Keep in mind that we have a basement apartment that clings to smell like nobody's business. Needless to say, the poor man had an up close and personal experience with a hormone induced explosion of tears, wails, and gnashing of teeth. His right eye is still twitching. I'm not proud of my actions, but it is what it is. It seems that pregnancy can be somewhat of a refiners fire for men as well as women (not to be too dramatic...).

But, this mini super power of mine has it perks, such as giving me dinner ideas. Every evening as I'm walking to work or they gym I smell my neighbors dinner..."mmm someone's making soft tacos smothered in chili verde sauce with lime rice and, wait is that...a hint of cilantro?" or "oooooohhh enchiladas!" or "wow meat loaf...and sniff sniff rosemary and onion roasted potatoes!?". You think I'm kidding. Nope. I swear my neighbors barbecue every day and every time I smell their succulent cow I'm tempted to press my nose against their window until they invite me in.

My favorite perk though is my greater appreciation for the smells of nature. Who knew a walk in the rain could be so wonderful! I have LOVED smelling the flowers bloom, spring storms, and the dirt that everyone's using for their gardens.

This week has been very stressful. The insurance we're trying to get has been 99.7% impossible to deal with and keeps rejecting us (long story), our school health insurance won't pay for what they said they would, I'm not sure if I registered for Chinese rocket science or Physiology, (either way I have no clue what's going on), I feel like I have no time to keep my house nice and make decent meals (so we end up with peanut butter and ketchup sandwhichs) and in a moment of brilliance I signed up for a needed class during a work shift...great. Needless to say I was kind of on edge this week.

BUT...I loved the smell of being outside. As I'd walk to campus sniffing on some of nature's best (in polluted Provo) I'd feel my worries melt. My heightened, super power sense was just the distraction I needed from my problems. On one afternoon as I walked home, smelling the oncoming rain storm, I listened to a man whistle one of my favorite hymns. An overwhelming love and understanding from my Heavenly Father filled my heart and brought peace and hope. I knew that no matter what happened, all would be well. And it will be :) As usual, life is good.

***Side note: If it seems like all of my posts about pregnancy are complaints, I'm sorry. Just a reminder that I am more than ecstatic about my baby and already love it more than I thought possible. My pregnancy has been such a blessing and I really am grateful. I guess I just find all the changes to my body somewhat amusing and interesting so that's what I end up talking about.