Of course disordered eating isn't new. In as early as the 13th century we have record of individuals (a lot of women) who would practice starvation and other forms of self deprivation in an attempt to purge their souls of all unholiness. They felt more acceptable to God if they denied themselves food, love, warmth, and any sort of comfort. One women, after feeling revulsion towards the smell of pus on a patient she was tending, felt so angry with herself for being bothered by it that she drank a whole bottle's worth to prove that she could put "mind over matter". So sad.
From examples like these and many others we see that eating disorders are really a psychological problem. Its a way to gain "control" and deal with deep emotional hardships. Telling a bulimic to "cut it out" is not helpful. These poor people (women AND men) need professional help. They need to know they're loved and deserve to love themselves. But what do we do to help prevent the problem from developing in the first place? As I've thought about it I've come to a few conclusions:
As much as I'd like to change the fashion industry's adoration of unhealthily skinny girls, at this point in life my ranting and raving will not do much. But...I can change my own perspective. I can choose to not adore any one body type, but rather promote the nurturing of all. In all the stories I've heard from victims of an eating disorder, it wasn't the pressure from fashion industries that eventually got to them. Of course that was there and didn't help things, but rather it was the pressure of home life that really hurt. Maybe their parents divorced, maybe a family member died, maybe their parents or other family members slyly teased them about their weight, or perhaps they felt such a pressure to be "perfect" that they decided they needed to control their body. Honestly, the biggest one that stood out to me was the hundreds of little seeds planted in a child's brain by their parents. Perhaps their mom always commented on how fat so and so was or perhaps their dad questioned whether a bowl of ice cream with friends would be good for their figure. Overall, the attitudes of the parents towards "fat" people influenced them and gave them a fear of gaining weight.
Whatever it is that brought about the disease, it seems pretty apparent that more can be done in the home to protect our kids. I'm not blaming parents for their children's eating disorders---everyone is different and sometimes things happen beyond our control. BUT there is more we can do to help.
When I think about the precious baby growing inside of me, it hurts to think that someday he or she might dislike the amazing body he/she is now developing. I love this child more than I can explain and I want him/her to always know how special he/she is. So, as a mother I will...
1) Never tease about anyone's body. I will not comment on anyone's size. I don't want a subconscious seed of worry to be planted in my child's brain that perhaps if they looked like the person I was teasing, I'd make fun of them too. I will show by example that someone's worth is NOT dependent upon their body type
2) I will not praise my child for their body type. I will not tell my teenage daughter that I like that she's "skinny or thin" or "curvy and full figured" because what if in a few years she wasn't. I will not base my children's beauty upon the shape of their body.
3) I will promote a respect for the body but not an obsession over it. My family will enjoy healthy meals, and by example I will show them the good that comes from staying physically active; but we will go to no extremes. We will have pizza and ice cream nights and I will not compromise important things for my work out time. I want my kids to enjoy being active and eating right, but not obsess over it.
4) I will teach my kids from a young age that dieting is NOT good for children and really (in my opinion) not very good for adults. A healthy lifestyle is key, not cutting out food groups.
5) I will not talk negatively about my body. Especially in front of my kids.
6) I will teach my kids to serve, love, learn, work, and play. A life full of these things is what makes life great---not a size 0 body
Sound crazy? I don't think so. I wish someday to live in a world where we don't focus on our shape. Even if it doesn't necessarily lead to disordered eating in my own children, by not doing the above things I will plant seeds that one body type is better than the other. Then, perhaps my children will be the source of worry to someone who later develops the disease. The problem will be perpetuated unless people take an active stance against it. As was said in a recent study, its ridiculous how America, the most diet crazed, body obsessed country, is also the "fattest". Perhaps if we stepped back, had a little patience with ourselves, committed to reasonable, healthy living, and then forgot about it (taking time to enjoy the more important parts of life) the obesity epidemic and eating disorder problem would die down. Just a thought.
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| What if everyone had a family who loved unconditionally, supported, uplifted, and taught where true worth came from? How loud would negative messages from "school, media, fashion, and peers" be? |
**For those who do have children who are at an unhealthy weight (over or under) can I just get on my soap box one more time? DON'T NAG THEM ABOUT IT! They know. Yes, they know, they're smart enough to realize that their not the "ideal" (which is so dumb). The best thing you can do is A: understand that children are on their own growing curve. Some bodies like to be big, some like to be small. Really this curve isn't in their control so don't make them feel bad about it. It is HARDLY EVER good for a child to try and lose weight. Unless your doctor specifically recommends it, don't try...rather B: promote healthy living in your household. So Jessie has jumped from the 70th percentile to the 95th? Well how is Jessie getting her food? Who is buying Jessie all her computer games and letting her watch TV. If it really bothers you, perhaps the whole family needs to make a change. Declare a no TV month (WHATTT????). Go for a family hike. Quit making or buying desserts and go for healthy smoothies instead. The key is not to isolate Jessie as the "fatty of the family", how will that make her feel? That's just going to send her to the internet with tears in her eyes as she learns how to try some crazy bad diet or to the freezer for a carton of ice cream because ice cream doesn't insult her. That is NOT what you want. Often times, if healthy eating and regular activity are a normal part of life, unnecessary pounds burn themselves.And in the end, so what if you have a large child? Large kids are just as good as small ones. Stop stressing and make sure your child knows they are loved regardless.
For those struggling with an eating disorder or know someone who is, help is available. Visit: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support
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