Surprise!

Yep, this is no April Fools! We’re pregnant! We were very surprised but also ecstatic when we found out (a little over a month ago). I’m so grateful for our little jellybean. For various reasons I had always assumed that it would be harder for me to get pregnant, so when I found out I was, I couldn’t contain my excitement. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I’m fairly certain that some of my happiest and most exciting childhood days were those where I’d eagerly await the arrival of a new brother or sister.  Now obviously this is real life, where parenting is nothing like waiting for a new sibling. I do recognize this---my mom had four kids after my sister and I, so I know that having little ones is rarely a picnic---but I also trust that raising a child will be the most fulfilling thing I do and so rather than feel panic, I feel at peace. Sure this came a little early (if you had asked me a year ago if I thought I’d be married and pregnant by this time, I would have laughed nervously and called my mom), but the truth is that things will work out. They always do. Yesterday, after our first appointment Carter and I felt such peace as we realized how great our lives were. All the insurance craziness is working out, I’ll still finish my Bachelors when I thought, and we’ll make it out of school without any debt despite our having a baby. Yes, life is good. Will this be hard---very. Will there need to be major adjustments in our life----ummm….duh! Are we going to be perfect parents----nope. Will we be tired, cross, and sick of diapers at times----yes. Are we scared---NO! Honestly, we know that this is right for us. We’ve felt an inner peace and know that, despite the awaiting difficulties, all will work out. The truth of the matter is that we have direct access to a loving Heavenly Father. He is the best parent, He knows how to help us. We feel that so long as we stay in tune with Him, all will work out. And such has been the case.

But…pregnancy is hard! My mom made it look easy! She was so cute with her belly and poking out belly button. I was so excited to be pregnant just like her someday. Sure she had to wear braces on her wrists, her feet, back, and joints hurt, and she always seemed tired, but I felt that this just added to the excitement. Her wrist braces were so cool---often when I’d play house with my siblings I’d stick a pillow in my shirt and put on a wrist brace. I was sure that pregnancy was going to be heaven. Well, though I’m grateful…its HARD! As my doctor put it, I’m in the “blah” stage. I love to sleep---but not in my bed because it smells funny (despite its multiple washings). In fact, everything smells. EVERYTHING! The only time I don’t feel intoxicated by smells is when I’m outside walking. Cooking, which used to be one of my favorite things to do, is now torture. I think I’ve made dinner three or four times in the past 3 weeks. Oh and did I mentions sleep? Yes I did, but let me just say again: I can sleep like no other. It’s amazing how I’ll wake up from a 12 hour “nap” and STILL feel tired. As a student who often has long days on campus, this whole feeling like a zombie thing is no bueno. Luckily I’ve found some wonderful napping spots (4^th floor library women’s lounge anyone?). I almost started crying the other day when I noticed that my favorite couch was taken—you don’t mess with a pregnant zombie’s space. It’s been hard to concentrate; homework seems impossible and I really struggle to care about tests. Luckily I’m still making OK grades, but occasionally I worry I’m not learning anything…for about 1.5 seconds until my mind skips to wondering when I can sleep again. Eating anything from home is hard, if I can even do it. I’m so lucky to not have thrown up. I really respect those women who spend three months (or more) vomiting everything, and I thank my lucky stars that I am not one of them. But I do feel SO nauseous, all the time. Whoever said that morning sickness was just in the “morning” didn’t know anything. I still don’t know if they’re “cravings” or what, but sometimes I’ll just obsess over a food and HAVE TO HAVE IT. I’ll dream about it, think about it, and walk by it in the wilk multiple times with my mouth watering until finally I buy it. The funny thing is that the only foods that I want are definitely not good foods to eat. I’ve prided myself on being a healthy eater, until I got pregnant. My goodness, salad looks gross, but that cheese burger from In N Out…YES! I haven’t had Taco Bell in years, but since being pregnant their bean burritos just smell so enticing. Carter bought me a couple after a late night shift a while ago and HOLY HEAVEN they were good. Oh and for exercising---that’s been such a challenge. A month and a half before I found out I was pregnant, I ran a half marathon on a whim and I was training to be an aerobic instructor. Not to toot my own horn, but I was in pretty darn good shape. But just in the last few weeks, I’ve been ridiculously weak. I’ll try to exercise like I used to and feel too dizzy and hurt to continue. I know that there are plenty of women who work out just fine while pregnant, but I’m not one of them, and honestly this has been hard for me. But then I remember how hard my body is already working and realize that for now I better just stick to walking. Oh and yes, I realize that my pioneer ancestors did all of this, while trekking across the plains. My own mother, mother-in-law, and grandmother did this with a house full of kids, and so honestly I just need to be quiet and have a little more gumption. But really, this is all very new, and my doctor says I have every right to feel BLAH so just whatever. I’ll have more gumption later. But, really, the moral to all of this is that I have a wonderful husband. He always makes or gets me the food I want, and he’s just so calm and good when I’ve had it. Haha the other night I broke down over bad smells and tight clothes and he just quietly soothed me, probably wondering what he got himself into. Once again, I married a winner.

 If it seemed like the majority of this post was my complaining about pregnancy discomforts I apologize. While they are…interesting, I really am SO grateful for this special blessing. Every time I look at the picture of my little jellybean I feel such peace and love. It’s crazy how I can love something so much despite my barely knowing it. Anyways…sorry about the long post :/ Feel free to send prayers our way!