Yep, this is no April Fools!
We’re pregnant! We were very surprised but also ecstatic when we found out (a
little over a month ago). I’m so grateful for our little jellybean. For various
reasons I had always assumed that it would be harder for me to get pregnant, so
when I found out I was, I couldn’t contain my excitement. I’ve always wanted to
be a mom. I’m fairly certain that some of my happiest and most exciting
childhood days were those where I’d eagerly await the arrival of a new brother or
sister. Now obviously this is real life, where parenting is nothing like waiting for a new sibling. I do recognize
this---my mom had four kids after my sister and I, so I know that having
little ones is rarely a picnic---but I also trust that raising a child will be
the most fulfilling thing I do and so rather than feel panic, I feel at peace.
Sure this came a little early (if you had asked me a year ago if I thought I’d
be married and pregnant by this time, I would have laughed nervously and called
my mom), but the truth is that things will work out. They always do. Yesterday,
after our first appointment Carter and I felt such peace as we realized how
great our lives were. All the insurance craziness is working out, I’ll still
finish my Bachelors when I thought, and we’ll make it out of school without any debt
despite our having a baby. Yes, life is good. Will this be hard---very. Will
there need to be major adjustments in our life----ummm….duh! Are we going to be
perfect parents----nope. Will we be tired, cross, and sick of diapers at
times----yes. Are we scared---NO! Honestly, we know that this is right for us.
We’ve felt an inner peace and know that, despite the awaiting difficulties, all
will work out. The truth of the matter is that we have direct access to a
loving Heavenly Father. He is the best parent, He knows how to help us. We
feel that so long as we stay in tune with Him, all will work out. And such has
been the case.
But…pregnancy is hard! My mom made it look easy! She was so
cute with her belly and poking out belly button. I was so excited to be
pregnant just like her someday. Sure she had to wear braces on her wrists, her
feet, back, and joints hurt, and she always seemed tired, but I felt that this just
added to the excitement. Her wrist braces were so cool---often when I’d play
house with my siblings I’d stick a pillow in my shirt and put on a wrist brace.
I was sure that pregnancy was going to be heaven. Well, though I’m grateful…its
HARD! As my doctor put it, I’m in the “blah” stage. I love to sleep---but not
in my bed because it smells funny (despite its multiple washings). In fact,
everything smells. EVERYTHING! The only time I don’t feel intoxicated by smells
is when I’m outside walking. Cooking, which used to be one of my favorite
things to do, is now torture. I think I’ve made dinner three or four times in
the past 3 weeks. Oh and did I mentions sleep? Yes I did, but let me just say
again: I can sleep like no other. It’s amazing how I’ll wake up from a 12 hour “nap”
and STILL feel tired. As a student who often has long days on campus, this
whole feeling like a zombie thing is no bueno. Luckily I’ve found some wonderful
napping spots (4th floor library women’s lounge anyone?). I almost
started crying the other day when I noticed that my favorite couch was taken—you
don’t mess with a pregnant zombie’s space. It’s been hard to concentrate;
homework seems impossible and I really struggle to care about tests. Luckily I’m
still making OK grades, but occasionally I worry I’m not learning anything…for
about 1.5 seconds until my mind skips to wondering when I can sleep again.
Eating anything from home is hard, if I can even do it. I’m so lucky to not
have thrown up. I really respect those women who spend three months (or more)
vomiting everything, and I thank my lucky stars that I am not one of them. But
I do feel SO nauseous, all the time. Whoever said that morning sickness was
just in the “morning” didn’t know anything. I still don’t know if they’re “cravings”
or what, but sometimes I’ll just obsess over a food and HAVE TO HAVE IT. I’ll
dream about it, think about it, and walk by it in the wilk multiple times with
my mouth watering until finally I buy it. The funny thing is that the only
foods that I want are definitely not good foods to eat. I’ve prided myself on
being a healthy eater, until I got pregnant. My goodness, salad looks gross,
but that cheese burger from In N Out…YES! I haven’t had Taco Bell in years, but
since being pregnant their bean burritos just smell so enticing. Carter bought
me a couple after a late night shift a while ago and HOLY HEAVEN they were
good. Oh and for exercising---that’s been such a challenge. A month and a half
before I found out I was pregnant, I ran a half marathon on a whim and I was
training to be an aerobic instructor. Not to toot my own horn, but I was in
pretty darn good shape. But just in the last few weeks, I’ve been ridiculously
weak. I’ll try to exercise like I used to and feel too dizzy and hurt to
continue. I know that there are plenty of women who work out
just fine while pregnant, but I’m not one of them, and honestly this has been hard for
me. But then I remember how hard my body is already working and realize that
for now I better just stick to walking. Oh and yes, I realize that my pioneer
ancestors did all of this, while trekking across the plains. My own mother,
mother-in-law, and grandmother did this with a house full of kids, and so
honestly I just need to be quiet and have a little more gumption. But really,
this is all very new, and my doctor says I have every right to feel BLAH so
just whatever. I’ll have more gumption later. But, really, the moral to all of
this is that I have a wonderful husband. He always makes or gets me the food I
want, and he’s just so calm and good when I’ve had it. Haha the other night I
broke down over bad smells and tight clothes and he just quietly soothed me,
probably wondering what he got himself into. Once again, I married a winner.
If it seemed like the
majority of this post was my complaining about pregnancy discomforts I
apologize. While they are…interesting, I really am SO grateful for this special
blessing. Every time I look at the picture of my little jellybean I feel
such peace and love. It’s crazy how I can love something so much despite my
barely knowing it. Anyways…sorry about the long post :/ Feel free to send
prayers our way!