Last Weekend

  Last Thursday I met up with my Mom and little sisters Lizi and Annie in SLC to spend the day at the This is the Place Monument: Pioneer Village. I've always been a sucker for "olden day" stuff and so the prospect of spending a day looking at a model of an 1800s town sounded more than appealing. I'd been asking Carter if we could go, especially since its currently the baby animal season (that's right, they let you pet their baby goats) but for some reason he seemed slightly hesitant. Needless to say, he didn't seem too beat up about having to work while we enjoyed the village. 

Annie and Lizi petting baby goats

  After the village my mom treated us girls to pedicures and then she went on her way to Park City to spend the weekend with her mom and sisters. Carter and I took Lizi and Annie to dinner and then went home. On Friday I had work, and Lizi and Annie wanted to join me, so they hung out in the library while I waited for patrons to come check out DVDs. Afterwards we went for a run (more like a walk with hopping in it, my pace can sometimes beat a snail's) and then went home. We made lunch, talked, laughed, watched silly you tube videos and then I took my 2pm nap. When I woke up from my coma we went to get our cousin Abby for a cousin sleep over.

   Carter and I took the girls to pizza and we all bet on how many slices we thought Carter would eat (for the record, he ate 8) and then went to the Nickel Arcade. Carter and I challenged the girls to see who could win the most tickets but then we lost because we were too busy trying to beat each other at the fun games that don't give tickets while they hit up all the jackpot machines. If I ever go to Vegas, I'm bringing one of them, because they seem to have the best luck with winning jackpots.

  With their earnings they "bought" mustaches and then wore them to 7/11 where we got 50 cent slurpees and a Red Box movie. I actually did take a picture of Abby and the twins with their 'staches in 7/11 but being the technological nematode that I am, I deleted them. So in your minds eye picture 3 cute girls with mustaches and slurpies.

  On Saturday we took them to the mall for some shopping and then met up with my mom, who had finished up with her sisters. Sunday we went to church, made a yummy dinner, took a walk, talked/laughed, and then said our goodbyes as they'd all be leaving Monday morning.

  On Monday, Carter and I got some work done, cleaned the house, exercised, grocery shopped, and then went for a hike with some friends to the natural hot springs in Spanish Fork. We had a TON of fun being out in the woods and have planned a few more hikes and camping trips for the near future. I had some awesome pics but they got deleted as well...so picture a super hot, tan guy holding hands with an almost not teenage girl (who looks maybe pregnant or maybe like she had four dozen donuts) next to a cute couple in front of an awesome waterfall.

  Being with family and friends is the best. My little sisters (well all my siblings) are cooler then cool and always bring lots of laughs. And of course, my mom is the most wonderful lady I know and is fun to be around. As usual...life is good.

Funny Pictures and Baby Flutters

First off these are funny

Particularly significant to my family. Sorry if this offends; adoption really is wonderful.

Love this.

I am so excited! I was sitting on my bed studying for a test that I have to take in a few hours when I started poking my stomach. Perhaps it was rude of me to jab at the baby's comfy home but I thought I'd see if I could get him/her dancing, even though I doubted I would feel it. I'm 16 weeks along and have heard of women feeling their babies at this point, but I've also been told that first timers usually don't recognize movements until they're about 19-22 weeks. Anyways, after a few seconds of poking I waited. All of the sudden, tiny flutter whooshing pops tickled my insides!

As a first trimester veteran I feel like I've become an expert with what gas feels like (sorry to gross anyone out) and I can tell you that this was NOT intestinal technical difficulties. I won't go into details on how I know that, but it wasn't. Obviously after I felt the first flutter kick I thought I'd try to coax some more so I started jabbing again. Sure enough, a few seconds later I felt it again. Since then (its been like 15 minutes since the first flutter) I've called Carter, texted my sisters and dad, and am now putting it on the internet. Excited much? Yes I am. I have felt it a few more times and am in HEAVEN! Its so cool to think there's a real mini person in there! I'm hoping that this first interaction of me poking it and it kicking me back isn't indicative of our future relationship, but if so oh well. Needless to say, it will be a while before I get back to studying.

The Ugly Side of "Skinny"

Today I listened as five girls shared the story of their ongoing battle with eating disorders. In every class that I've taken for my major we spend some time studying these brutal mental diseases; their prevalence in our society is astounding and disheartening. Each time I hear the story of a stranger, friend, or relative I feel such a hollowness. What are we doing to our kids?

Of course disordered eating isn't new. In as early as the 13th century we have record of individuals (a lot of women) who would practice starvation and other forms of self deprivation in an attempt to purge their souls of all unholiness. They felt more acceptable to God if they denied themselves food, love, warmth, and any sort of comfort. One women, after feeling revulsion towards the smell of pus on a patient she was tending, felt so angry with herself for being bothered by it that she drank a whole bottle's worth to prove that she could put "mind over matter". So sad.

 From examples like these and many others we see that eating disorders are really a psychological problem. Its a way to gain "control" and deal with deep emotional hardships. Telling a bulimic to "cut it out" is not helpful. These poor people (women AND men) need professional help. They need to know they're loved and deserve to love themselves. But what do we do to help prevent the problem from developing in the first place? As I've thought about it I've come to a few conclusions:

 As much as I'd like to change the fashion industry's adoration of unhealthily skinny girls, at this point in life my ranting and raving will not do much. But...I can change my own perspective. I can choose to not adore any one body type, but rather promote the nurturing of all. In all the stories I've heard from victims of an eating disorder, it wasn't the pressure from fashion industries that eventually got to them. Of course that was there and didn't help things, but rather it was the pressure of home life that really hurt. Maybe their parents divorced, maybe a family member died, maybe their parents or other family  members slyly teased them about their weight, or perhaps they felt such a pressure to be "perfect" that they decided they needed to control their body. Honestly, the biggest one that stood out to me was the hundreds of little seeds planted in a child's brain by their parents. Perhaps their mom always commented on how fat so and so was or perhaps their dad questioned whether a bowl of ice cream with friends would be good for their figure. Overall, the attitudes of the parents towards "fat" people influenced them and gave them a fear of gaining weight.

 Whatever it is that brought about the disease, it seems pretty apparent that more can be done in the home to protect our kids. I'm not blaming parents for their children's eating disorders---everyone is different and sometimes things happen beyond our control. BUT there is more we can do to help.

  When I think about the precious baby growing inside of me, it hurts to think that someday he or she might dislike the amazing body he/she is now developing. I love this child more than I can explain and I want him/her to always know how special he/she is. So, as a mother I will...

1) Never tease about anyone's body. I will not comment on anyone's size. I don't want a subconscious seed of worry to be planted in my child's brain that perhaps if they looked like the person I was teasing, I'd make fun of them too. I will show by example that someone's worth is NOT dependent upon their body type

2) I will not praise my child for their body type. I will not tell my teenage daughter that I like that she's "skinny or thin" or "curvy and full figured" because what if in a few years she wasn't. I will not base my children's beauty upon the shape of their body.

3) I will promote a respect for the body but not an obsession over it. My family will enjoy healthy meals, and by example I will show them the good that comes from staying physically active; but we will go to no extremes. We will have pizza and ice cream nights and I will not compromise important things for my work out time. I want my kids to enjoy being active and eating right, but not obsess over it.

4) I will teach my kids from a young age that dieting is NOT good for children and really (in my opinion) not very good for adults. A healthy lifestyle is key, not cutting out food groups.

5) I will not talk negatively about my body. Especially in front of my kids.

6) I will teach my kids to serve, love, learn, work, and play. A life full of these things is what makes life great---not a size 0 body

Sound crazy? I don't think so. I wish someday to live in a world where we don't focus on our shape. Even if it doesn't necessarily lead to disordered eating in my own children, by not doing the above things I will plant seeds that one body type is better than the other. Then, perhaps my children will be the source of worry to someone who later develops the disease. The problem will be perpetuated unless people take an active stance against it. As was said in a recent study, its ridiculous how America, the most diet crazed, body obsessed country, is also the "fattest". Perhaps if we stepped back, had a little patience with ourselves, committed to reasonable, healthy living, and then forgot about it (taking time to enjoy the more important parts of life) the obesity epidemic and eating disorder problem would die down. Just a thought.

What if everyone had a family who loved unconditionally, supported, uplifted, and taught where true worth came from? How loud would negative messages from "school, media, fashion, and peers" be? 

**For those who do have children who are at an unhealthy weight (over or under) can I just get on my soap box one more time? DON'T NAG THEM ABOUT IT! They know. Yes, they know, they're smart enough to realize that their not the "ideal" (which is so dumb). The best thing you can do is A: understand that children are on their own growing curve. Some bodies like to be big, some like to be small. Really this curve isn't in their control so don't make them feel bad about it. It is HARDLY EVER good for a child to try and lose weight. Unless your doctor specifically recommends it, don't try...rather B: promote healthy living in your household. So Jessie has jumped from the 70th percentile to the 95th? Well how is Jessie getting her food? Who is buying Jessie all her computer games and letting her watch TV. If it really bothers you, perhaps the whole family needs to make a change. Declare a no TV month (WHATTT????). Go for a family hike. Quit making or buying desserts and go for healthy smoothies instead. The key is not to isolate Jessie as the "fatty of the family", how will that make her feel? That's just going to send her to the internet with tears in her eyes as she learns how to try some crazy bad diet or to the freezer for a carton of ice cream because ice cream doesn't insult her. That is NOT what you want.  Often times, if healthy eating and regular activity are a normal part of life, unnecessary pounds burn themselves.And in the end, so what if you have a large child? Large kids are just as good as small ones. Stop stressing and make sure your child knows they are loved regardless.

For those struggling with an eating disorder or know someone who is, help is available. Visit: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

Stress and Smells

Back aches, head aches, joint aches, ache aches, heart burn, using the bathroom every 20.7 minutes, weird eating habits, and more. Just a list of what I've heard to be some of the most common pregnancy quirks. It seems that their being annoying comes from the fact that they're almost constant rather than unbearable. Good thing babies are so darn wonderful.

For me, the constant and occasionally exasperating reminder of a cute bun in the oven is my dog like sense of smell.

my thoughts exactly

Italian food, my husband's soaps, bread baking (so sad), brownies, fish, and so much more nearly topple me over the edge with their nausea inducing power. One Sunday night with hardly any food in the house (grocery stores smell weird too) my husband fried up some old fish and added onion and garlic. Keep in mind that we have a basement apartment that clings to smell like nobody's business. Needless to say, the poor man had an up close and personal experience with a hormone induced explosion of tears, wails, and gnashing of teeth. His right eye is still twitching. I'm not proud of my actions, but it is what it is. It seems that pregnancy can be somewhat of a refiners fire for men as well as women (not to be too dramatic...).

But, this mini super power of mine has it perks, such as giving me dinner ideas. Every evening as I'm walking to work or they gym I smell my neighbors dinner..."mmm someone's making soft tacos smothered in chili verde sauce with lime rice and, wait is that...a hint of cilantro?" or "oooooohhh enchiladas!" or "wow meat loaf...and sniff sniff rosemary and onion roasted potatoes!?". You think I'm kidding. Nope. I swear my neighbors barbecue every day and every time I smell their succulent cow I'm tempted to press my nose against their window until they invite me in.

My favorite perk though is my greater appreciation for the smells of nature. Who knew a walk in the rain could be so wonderful! I have LOVED smelling the flowers bloom, spring storms, and the dirt that everyone's using for their gardens.

This week has been very stressful. The insurance we're trying to get has been 99.7% impossible to deal with and keeps rejecting us (long story), our school health insurance won't pay for what they said they would, I'm not sure if I registered for Chinese rocket science or Physiology, (either way I have no clue what's going on), I feel like I have no time to keep my house nice and make decent meals (so we end up with peanut butter and ketchup sandwhichs) and in a moment of brilliance I signed up for a needed class during a work shift...great. Needless to say I was kind of on edge this week.

BUT...I loved the smell of being outside. As I'd walk to campus sniffing on some of nature's best (in polluted Provo) I'd feel my worries melt. My heightened, super power sense was just the distraction I needed from my problems. On one afternoon as I walked home, smelling the oncoming rain storm, I listened to a man whistle one of my favorite hymns. An overwhelming love and understanding from my Heavenly Father filled my heart and brought peace and hope. I knew that no matter what happened, all would be well. And it will be :) As usual, life is good.

***Side note: If it seems like all of my posts about pregnancy are complaints, I'm sorry. Just a reminder that I am more than ecstatic about my baby and already love it more than I thought possible. My pregnancy has been such a blessing and I really am grateful. I guess I just find all the changes to my body somewhat amusing and interesting so that's what I end up talking about.